Misadventure and teenage androids
by Janvierecouter
Summary: A collection of one shots centered around Android 17 and the various absurd situations he gets himself and others in.
1. In which 17 becomes a park ranger

In which 17 becomes a park ranger

* * *

The man coughed into his hand, drawing his colleague's attention to the presentation. They all seemed to be rather bored and out of it, and he was only at the 12th slide.

"If you don't understand the migration cycle of the spackle-beaked heron, how are you going to know when to assure a proper nesting area safe from striped jackal foxes?" he stated, rather upset. A clicking noise sounded incessantly from the table as Joe played with his pen, the paper in front of him completely empty. Which was still better than Dave, who was drawing little circle patterns on his.

None of them were taking this job seriously enough!

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door.

Great, Bob finally arrived. Only 20 minutes late, as well.

Sure enough, Bob walked in, looking rather roughed up and holding a reluctant teenage boy by the arm.

"Who's this?" the man (who was actually named George, but had no reason to reveal his name before) asked, holding the pointer in his hands worriedly.

"This kid right here is going to be the newest member of our team!" Bob beamed at him, sounding rather excited. The boy didn't seem to share his feelings, as his eyes kept darting around the small room with displeasure.

Everyone stared at him, then back at Bob. Surely, he must be joking.

Bob grabbed George's green ranger hat and places it on the kid's head, the oversized article falling down to his ears and covering his large forehead completely, which was an improvement, to be fair.

"See, already fitting in!" Bob smiled.

The teen removed the hat and threw it to the side carelessly. It broke a window and kept going.

"Why do you want this boy to join us?" George tried to get their conversation back on track.

"I'm probably older than you" the dark haired 'boy' whispered under his breath.

"Guys, you should've seen it! I was tracking down these poachers in the south region of the forest and-" Bob started his story, flaying his arms with enthusiasm.

"You were SUPPOSED to be at the meeting" George retorted.

"Like I said, I was doing something important" Bob continued undeterred, receiving a groan from his superior. "I managed to find the guys just as they were trying to shoot an endangered pink dinobird and I tried to stop them, only to be outnumbered and taken hostage"

Why did he still sound happy while saying this?

"And then out of nowhere, this guy shows up. It's like he appeared out of thin air, like a specter!"

"Just because I move too fast for you doesn't mean I'm a ghost" the kid mumbled again, rolling his eyes.

"And?" George raised an eyebrow.

"And then he saved me from the poachers! You should've seen him kick the crap out of them, it was so awesome!" he gestured with a couple of demo kicks and punches of his own, hitting a chair and a lamp in the process. "He managed in a minute what'd been taking us 5 months!"

"What were you even doing out here in the middle of the woods, anyway, boy?" George addressed him for the first time.

"I'm 17" he pointed at himself, getting thoroughly annoyed with the word "boy" as his only identifying feature.

"I'd rather know your name, not your age" George pointed out, feeling a little nervous as he noticed the kid glaring daggers at him.

"Fine, it's Jinzoningen Juunanagou. 17 for short. Happy?" the teen with a number for a name insisted.

"Sorry I asked."

"Look, just humor me, ok. Not like I'll be here for long."

"Alright, still, what were you doing all the way out here?" Joe added from his seat, still toying with that annoying pen.

"I was on my way to East City"

"That's on the other side of the planet! In the complete opposite direction!" George scratched his head in confusion.

17 raised an eyebrow and pulled out a map from his pocket. East City was indeed to the west. Oops. Well, can't blame him for being lost this time, right? _Right?_ 18, don't you dare. He wasn't lost, he was only checking to see if she was! Good thing she wasn't around to hear about it this time.

Where was she, anyway? He hadn't seen her in a while.

She just went to powder her nose and was away for the past…umm… _5 years_?!

 _Oh._

It suddenly dawned on him that maybe she ditched him for some reason. Noseless bald midget related reason.

He should be worried about her safety, but he knew that if she went down, it'd be with a dozen military officers and 6 fighter drones underneath her foot. He'd probably see her on the news if that happened.

"Well, shoot. Now it'll take me like, 2 hours more if I keep going in this direction." he mused, everyone staring at him incredulously upon declaring that he will circle the globe in a couple of hours, on foot.

"Wait, you can't leave!" Bob grabbed his arm with a pleading look, getting back in the conversation. "You saved my life! We could use your strength and resourcefulness! Please, come join our group."

17 frowned deeply.

"What do you guys do, anyway?"

"Pointless Powerpoint presentations" came a reply from the crowd. George stared at the group menacingly. Who said that? _Who dared to say that?_

"We're Park Rangers!" Bob smiled, adjusting his badge. "We keep the wildlife safe from poachers and protect the forest and nature alike!"

17 stifled a laughter and it came out like a cough.

"Ok, sure, no way."

"We're willing to pay you handsomely!" Bob tried again.

"Wait, who's WE? I'm your boss!" George grit his teeth at his colleague who spoke in his name.

"Sounds tempting, but I dunno…" He could use the money for a new car, sure. But he could also steal them both and avoid this entire situation. Decisions, decisions.

"You also get your own car!" Bob insisted.

"Getting warmer" 17 bargained.

"Oh, I think you'd look ravishing in uniform!" a sultry female voice came from the back. 17 turned to the source. Impressive rack. The face wasn't bad either, he guessed, he didn't really notice it. Still, those gazongas…showing off nicely through her green blouse…

He suddenly had an epiphany. Looking at her shirt reminded him of 16. The color, not the boobs. Hopefully not the boobs.

16 loved nature so much. If there was anything he learned about the big guy in the short time they spent together, is that animals meant a lot to him. He was so nurturing to all the small birds and mammals he encountered, smiling kindly as he cared for them. And he was kind to him too, trying his best to protect him and 18 from that Cell creature. And now he was gone, for good, and there was nothing left to remember him by.

He felt emotional for a moment. He realized fate brought him here to give him a chance to repay his debt to his friend. That and his terrible coordination skills. But mostly fate.

"Alright, I'll do it" 17 sighed, shaking hands with Bob.

Bob cheered. Everyone else gave an unenthusiastic "hooray" from the back. George was rather confused, but he played along.

"Well, I guess now that that's taken care of, you'll need to don the official Park Ranger uniform" George said taking a suit from a closet to his side and throwing it in 17's arms.

17 looked at the kaki short sleeved shirt and short shorts and frowned. It looked slightly worse than a boyscout uniform.

"I see we're going to have to make some changes around here" he said and grabbed the pointer from George's hands, whipping it against the display screen showing a picture of the jackal fox. The fox lost an eye at that as a large chunk of wall behind itself was smacked off.

Everyone snapped out of their daze and boredom and stared in shock at the absurd power behind the gesture. He had their attention, good.

"First, we need a uniform that doesn't make us look ridiculous"

"But I like my uniform" Dave piped up, sheepishly.

"I'm sure you do, Ranger Smith, but if you want poachers to take you seriously, you need to look like you're NOT chasing bears to recover picnic baskets."

"So what are you suggesting?" George seemed intrigued by his proposal.

"Something up to date. Jeans, black leather gloves, and maybe throw some orange in there as well. You can never have too much orange". He fiddled with his bandanna unconsciously as he said that.

"That is hardly a ranger uniform!"

"Precisely! We go in, incognito! Those poachers won't know what hit them"

"The law states that we have to be identifiable as rangers from a fair distance." George stated, pointing at a thick rulebook he had on the table.

"Alright, fine, write 'RANGER' on an armband or something. Whatever. But I get to decide what the shirts say. And I have the perfect idea for our new organization" 17 smiled.

"We already go by the 'Purry Protectors'." Dave pointed out.

"HELL NO!" 17 almost gagged. "We need something short and catchy, with a sweet acronym. Like this: the 'Astounding Society of Salvation!'" he gestured in the air as if he was showing them a wondrous discovery. "I know I'd get behind that any day"

"I doubt the law allows us to use that acronym" George rubbed his cheek worriedly. "How about MIR?"

"What's it stand for?"

"MIR"

"Sounds good. We'll go with that" 17 smiled, getting a few worried glances his way.

He pointed at the wall again, this time taking care not to hit it anymore.

"Second order of business, less lip and more action. While we're in here discussing fashion, 3 more species of dinosaur went extinct already!"

Good thing dinosaurs were a long lasting species with a bright future ahead of them.

"So what are we supposed to do?" George frowned.

"I'm glad you asked, random underling." 17 pointed at him with a smirk. "We round up every last poacher on the face of the planet, we tie them up and shoot them all!"

Everyone in the room stared at him in shock. George backed away from him a few paces. He made a mental note never to share a room at night with this guy.

"Maybe a plan that involves less murder?" Bob chimed in with a nervous chuckle.

"My god, you are all a bunch of pansies. No wonder you're doing such a poor job of protecting this place!" 17 rolled his eyes at him, pouting. "Alright, we stop at the killing part. Unless we have to." He hoped he had to.

"Thirdly, what is this place?" He gestured around himself at the room "This looks like a clubhouse!"

"Well, it used to be" Joe mentioned, a little embarrassed.

17 shook his head.

"Strip it to the ground, we're starting over. If it doesn't have reinforced steel walls, alligator moats and barbed wire fences I'm not stepping foot on this property again. Professionals, people!"

"...aand barbed wire, got it." Dave scribbled down on his sheet.

"Dave, don't humor him" George narrowed his eyes at him, then turned to 17 "Look, don't you think this is a little extreme?"

"Do I look like someone who's trying too hard?" 17 pointed out, adjusting his oversized bandanna and scratching his neon green socks. "I'm just thinking of ways to improve this place. Trust me, in about a week, we'll be on the news!"

* * *

In a week, they made the news. Apparently, torture, arson and terrorism aren't proper methods of keeping a nature park in check.

17 found that out after spending a night in prison. Something he was familiar with by now, seeing as how a couple of burly thugs covered in tattoos and scars waved happily at him when he passed by. Nice people, these guys. One of them even knit him a sweater. He should visit them more often.

He returned to the park with a new understanding of his mission there. He would have to tone down the violence. Well, this was going to be a boring ass job. May as well work in a factory screwing on pickle jar lids.

He was thinking of quitting. He felt sorry for his promise to 16, but he did try his best. He just wasn't cut out for this.

He started walking towards the Head Office-turned-Fortress-of-Doom to tell his boss about his resignation when he heard a scream a way away. He ran towards the source of the sound and he found a wounded Pterodactyl cornered by a pair of shady snickering weirdos that were preparing to cut off its wings to sell them to the medicinal black market.

The girl biologist was there too, for some reason, trying to defend the poor creature. 17 got there just in the nick of time to catch one of the guys sock her one good and forcefully throw her to the ground. He frowned. What a bunch of assholes.

The poachers didn't even notice he was there and kept on going, grabbing the bird. The creature tried to escape their grasp and bit one of them, receiving a slap across the beak for it.

17 felt rage build up inside him. _This was going too far!_

 _Nobody gets to hurt 16's bird friends!_

He dashed to the guy, punching him straight in the kisser. The poacher went screening off through the woods, smashing through trees along the way till he was out of sight.

The other guy turned to 17 in shock and took out his knife, holding it in a threatening way.

The girl got up on her knees, watching him in awe.

17 picked up the first poacher's discarded gun and pointed it at his partner.

"You can't kill me! That's gonna get you locked up for life AND this place shut down!" the poacher snickered, feeling very confident in his chances.

17 knew he was right. He couldn't just shoot him in the face. But he didn't have to. He smirked at the guy and pointed the gun in the opposite direction, above his own head.

The poacher frowned, wondering where he was going with this.

"Hey, 16, this one's for you, buddy." 17 said, pressing the trigger. The bullet fired at full speed, ricocheting off a bunch of rocks, petrified forest and the "Welcome to MIR Natural Park" sign and hit the poacher square in the ass from behind.

He jumped, screaming in pain and landing on his face, shocked at the sting and at the absurdity of the bullet's trajectory.

17 blew away the smoke from the gun, spinning it around and placing it in a holster at his side like a cowboy. If there was one thing he was still good at, it was shooting stuff. Having a mechanical brain that calculated optimal firing angles also helped a little.

The biologist stared at him, her mouth agape. He suddenly looked so masculine and attractive and not at all like a flat, fashion clueless teenage girl. She realized she had fallen for him, and it wasn't just because of the trauma she suffered to her head. She really wanted to be with him for the rest of her life.

She snapped out of her daze and noticed he'd left her behind, carrying the Pterodactyl in his arms, bridal style.

"Hey, 17!" she screamed after him, running up to catch him.

"Hmm?" he said, turning around to look at her. What did she want now?

"That was very brave of you, sticking it to those poachers like that. I really look forward to our next case!"

"Sorry, there's not gonna be a next one" he replied flatly.

"Wh..what do you mean?" she answered worriedly.

"I came here to tell you people I'm quitting. This right here was my last job. I did it for the sake of a friend. I repaid my debt to him now, so I'll be on my way after this." he pointed at the bird dinosaur he was comforting.

No! He can't quit! Not after she finally found what she was missing in her life! She had to change his mind.

"Please don't leave. I…I love you…" she said in a far too shy manner, blushing from head to toe.

17 raised an eyebrow at her.

"U-huh. That's nice, I guess" he turned around to leave again.

 _Dammit!_ She had to step it up a notch.

She grabbed his head and pushed his face into her cleavage. That usually worked in movies. Provided he wasn't gay, of course. Please, God, don't let him be gay!

17 removed his face from her voluptuous ta-tas, being not too quick about it though. He stared at her, eyes as wide as he could muster without looking like a prudish virgin.

"What was that for?" he asked worriedly.

"A token of gratitude for your heroic actions back there." She smiled at him.

17 looked to the side, blushing ever slightly. Goddamn involuntary emotional reaction. Goddamn tight jeans. He coughed into his hand to draw her attention to his face.

Too late for him though, her eyes were faster than his fidgeting. She inwardly let out a sigh of relief. _Thank you God, this one isn't gay._ Which came as a total surprise for her, all things considering.

"Well, if you thought that was something, you should see what I can do next time!" he boasted confidently.

She laughed, grabbing him by the arm and walking together towards the animal's nesting site.

* * *

By the time they left, it was already getting dark. 17 looked around, realizing they were pretty far away from headquarters. He could sprint for it, but she'd probably break her legs trying to keep up with him.

"Hmm, guess we'll have to camp outside for the night" he sighed. The girl hadn't released his arm since this afternoon. She was like a particularly big bosomed leech. Which was a rare type of leech to be sure.

"Well, my house isn't far from here. You can stay the night." She giggled, pulling him towards it.

"Eh, I dunno. I should be going" he tried.

"No, no I insist! You're my guest, after all."

17 rolled his eyes at her. This girl just doesn't know when to quit, does she? What does she think he is, some gullible idiot that will stay by her side just because she suckered him into sleeping the night at her place?

"I'll make dinner for us, You must be starving" she continued.

He wasn't, but he played along.

"Fine, I guess I can stay the night. But only one night, I have places to be!" he raised his finger at her to emphasize his point. He had to go find 18, after all.

* * *

10 years and 3 kids later, 17 looked up at the morning sky from the cabin's porch. Oh well, 18 can wait for him one day more.


	2. In which 17 remembers his past

In which 17 remembers his past

* * *

She tapped her foot impatiently and looked at her watch. He was late. Well, he was always late, but this time he was impressively late. They didn't see each other very much lately, what with having families and all, so he could at least show a little enthusiasm when they did.

She frowned. _2 DAYS!_ He was 2 days late! He was in for such an earful!

Good thing she anticipated this and didn't wait at the Mall all this time, or else her favorite dress shop would go up in flames together with his smug face.

She heard a whishing sound coming in her direction. Any normal human would miss that, at best thinking it was a light breeze brought on by large hallways and open windows, but not her. After all, she wasn't normal, or very much human for that matter.

Finally, he came!

18 opened her mouth in anticipation, but was swept away off her bench by the waterfall before she managed to get more than 1 word out, which also happened to be the most important one.

"17!" she shrieked as he carried her away by her arm with a speed only their peers could handle. By the time she had prepared a second word they were on the other side of the building, inside the garbage disposal passageway.

It was damp, smelled funny and the floor was sticky in places. She hated it so much, it almost distracted her from his outfit.

She lifted an eyebrow, noticing his attire. She always made fun of his fashion sense, or lack thereof, but this time it seemed to be more than a phase he was going through. He had a full DIY body armor made up of cardboard chest plates, trashcan lid shield, pillows for wristbands and a facemask.

It looked more like he was readying himself for a zombie apocalypse rather than a shopping spree. Which was how he usually described her shopping sprees, sure, but this time it didn't seem like a joke. His horrified face, sunken eyes and shaking hands assured her of that. He was actually terrified of something.

She was actually worried about him for once.

"17, what's going on?" she asked, holding her nose to keep the stench at bay. She wasn't sure if it came from the hallway or from him, since he looked like he hadn't bathed in a while, but she didn't really want to know. She just wanted him to release her hand and find a working sink.

17 put his finger to her mouth in a silencing gesture, his eyes darting around the place. He shifted around, checking the hall for something, or someone, in a very paranoid fashion. He finally calmed down and let her speak.

"What's gotten into you? You're acting weirder than usual, which is a feat even for you! Is this another one of your games?" she frowned at him.

17 sighed and turned around, avoiding her gaze.

"You…you don't want to know"

"Well, considering how much it's affecting you, yes, I do want to know!" she flayed her arms in exasperation.

17 shushed her again, asking her to keep her voice down. It was getting annoying.

"I haven't slept in weeks. I…I've been having…visions lately…flashbacks actually." he said in a low voice. He didn't really need to sleep much, but a couple of weeks were still a problem for his organic parts, and it showed.

"Of what?"

 _Cell?_

"Of our past lives. As… humans" he continued, still looking down.

18's eyes widened. That sounded incredible. She'd tried to access those memories for years, but they all seemed to have been erased from her mind completely. Everything before their first activation and a vague idea of the delinquent lifestyle they lead right before being kidnapped was a complete blank.

How did 17 manage that? Nevermind, that wasn't important right now.

"How long have you been having these flashbacks?"

"About 2 months now." He added, still sounding nervous. This didn't bode well, she feared.

"How? Are you sure they're for real?"

"Yea, I tried it out and I'm sure. I've taken precautions because of them" he pointed at his "suit of armor".

18 smiled a nervous smile. This was the biggest breakthrough they ever made into their past life. She was intrigued but also weary. She wasn't sure if she wanted to know about the sad parts of her youth, but she also wanted to put this nagging feeling to rest. She wanted to feel like a person and not a number again.

She felt like hugging him to express her excitement, but then again, she wasn't a very huggy person. She settled for a grin, one that begged him to go on with his story.

He seemed rather reluctant though. Something was definitely wrong.

"Well, go on! What were our names?"

"I don't know, but I do remember getting incessant phone calls from random people after our names ended up scribbled all over the bathroom walls at school. We had stalkers for weeks. One of them broke into our house and stole your clothes."

18 frowned.

"What about our real age?"

"No idea, I'm just certain we are underage, since you sneaked into a club one time, got wasted and puked all over your bed when you got home."

18 scrunched her face in repulsion at this.

"Alright, then, what were our parents like?"

"Couldn't tell; I just remember the width of dad's belt as he whipped our behinds on a regular basis as punishment for our shenanigans. I also remember mom used to pray for us to change our ways every Sunday."

What kind of memories were these?

"What about our friends?"

"Can't remember a single name and face, all I've seen is that we tried LSD together at some point, then I tried to drive a truck. It got…weird. We are banned from 3 counties, by the way."

"…and our school?"

"I didn't get the name or location; I just know we had a creepy homeroom teacher that kept mistaking me for a girl. He tried to hit on me almost as much as he hit on you. I think we quit school because of that"

18 rubbed her temples in frustration. This wasn't what she wanted to hear at all.

"Anything USEFUL in there?" she tried to narrow it down.

"Not really. I did find out that we're allergic to a large number of food, though. Avoid peanuts, by the way, the rashes they give are horrible."

She scratched herself involuntarily at this. He had to be telling the truth, since she remembered it happening once at one of Bulma's party. She didn't eat anything for the next week in fear of it happening again.

"Anything else?"

"I remember tearing off the head of your favorite doll since you kept teasing me that she was my girlfriend, and burying its remains in the backyard. You buried me up to my neck in retribution. I remember our dog and how I used to tie it to the back of our car and drive off full speed to give it exercise. I spent a good few weeks in the hospital getting rabies shots. I remember fooling you into eating yellow snow, and you making me lick a frozen lamp post. I remember us getting measles and spending the next week trying to spread it to everyone in town. I remember you getting a butterfly tattoo on your ass while we were in juvie..." he started listing off his fingers.

"But I don't have any tattoos on my ass..." she whispered, feeling a little self-conscious.

"I guess Gero removed it when he operated on you. Consider yourself lucky. Mine's still where I got it" He shrugged.

No, she did NOT feel better. She didn't want to think about creepy old man Gero probing her most intimate areas. It made her queasy.

"Look, what about stuff that matters?"

"Having a missing front tooth matters to me!" 17 defended himself. "Gero fixed that as well" he added when she raised an eyebrow at him.

"Also I learned about a lot of people and places we need to avoid. Like the guy from the shoe shop on the 3rd floor of the mall, the cashier at the local supermarket and my mailman. And ESPECIALLY the kindergarten teacher from Sunshine Valley!"

 _Wait, that was the kindergarten Marron went to!_

"W... why?" she dared to ask.

17 bit his lower lip.

"Trust me, you don't want to know."

She had to call Krillin STAT and tell him to get Marron transferred.

"Anything POSITIVE you'd like to share with me?"

"Your senior prom pregnancy test, yes"

Her eyes went wide and she felt her heart skip a beat.

"I'm just messing with you. That one never happened." He laughed at her, promptly receiving a kick in his reinforced fake tooth. Good thing it was made to last.

"So, it's all for nothing, really. We basically still don't know anything about ourselves" she frowned, crossing her arms.

"Oh, trust me, I know a lot more about myself now than I ever wanted to. Especially my past relationships" he shuddered.

"Is there anything you didn't hump?" she asked, snickering at him.

He didn't laugh back. She didn't like the sound of that. She stepped a few paces away from him, fearing his aura could hurt her marriage.

"We had a very proactive puberty." He gave as his only answer.

Wait, no, that can't be true. He had to be pulling her leg again. She wasn't sex crazy, that's for sure. It had to be a mistake.

"I don't believe you. If we both used to be like that, why did we stop?"

"We...had a pretty good reason" he stated, rubbing his arm nervously.

18 crossed her legs subconsciously.

"Di-did Gero…" she stammered.

"Yea, he fixed that too."

She was starting to change her mind about the old cook. He may have saved them from themselves.

An awkward silence fell between them. They both avoided looking at each other, feeling great shame and guilt for things they had no control over. She realized something. Her life right now was the best outcome she could've ever had. Becoming a cyborg, meeting Krillin…it didn't hurt her life, it improved it.

"You know, I'm glad" she said, breaking the silence.

"Glad that you found out you didn't wear a bra till the 12th grade?" 17 scratched his head in confusion.

She frowned a little. He never told her that!

"No, I'm glad that I have nothing to look back on. Nothing to regret moving forward. I can enjoy my current life without worrying about a past one. I think, you telling me all this gave me more closure than any actual important reveal ever could." she smiled kindly at him.

17 smiled back, understanding what she meant. He too thought his life ended up better than he expected it to.

Even though he lost his eyebrows once, had his room burned on purpose and forced to try out her dresses for her as kids, she was still the best sister he could ask for. And he was happy she stayed that way.

"Alright, now let's get out of here before I lose my sense of smell" she broke the moment, pulling on his sleeve.

* * *

She had completely forgotten why she asked him to join her on her shopping trip in the first place

But now she remembered. Krillin's birthday was coming up and she needed a man's opinion on a present!

They walked into a flower shop. She knew he liked potted plants, so she might find something interesting there.

She picked up a large cactus and showed it to him.

"Well, what do you think? How's this look?" she asked him, turning it around to see it from all sides.

17 suddenly went pale and yelped, covering his crotch as he tried to back himself to a wall.

"Not fine! NOT FINE AT ALL!" his voice cracked, getting increasingly louder as the other people in the shop stopped to stare at him.

18 sighed in shame. She would have to get used to this from now on.


	3. In which 17 thwarts an alien invasion

In which 17 thwarts an alien invasion

* * *

17 walked the aisles, deep in thought, kicking an empty shopping cart along for the ride. Marron's birthday was coming up and he had no idea what to get her.

She was starting school this year so giving her a pair of shiny car keys to rattle didn't cut it anymore. He had to actually give it some thought and effort. Both were things he didn't like doing.

He reached the doll section of the toy store and glanced at the playsets. All pink with ribbons, butterflies, ponies and other cute stuff. Beach Party Barbie, Disco Barbie, Successful Independent Businesswoman Barbie for the morally progressive parents out there…all pink and frilly and adorable.

He scrunched his nose. Who did these people think they were marketing this stuff to? Marron didn't need this kind of trash!

He'll have to find something more appropriate for a 6-year-old girl.

He went to the action figure aisle and picked up a military toy set. _Much better._ He was sure Marron would appreciate guns and tanks a lot more than puppies and rainbows. He knew he would.

He looked at the price tag and his eye twitched a little. He immediately put the set back on the shelf. Scratch that, she would prefer a Pez dispenser more anyway.

He didn't even notice the ground shaking around him and a strong breeze sweep the halls as the windows blew open from the pressure.

The people in the store immediately stopped what they were doing and turned to look outside at the source of the disturbance. A large UFO that could only be described as a frying pan from space was landing in the middle of the city, flattening the buildings underneath it and creating an updraft that choked the air around it.

17 kept walking, his mind busy with other activities. He reached the miscellaneous merchandise aisle and started checking out keychain laser pointers. Still too expensive for his wallet. It's ok, Marron liked paper clips more anyway.

The strong wind current blasted through the aisles, knocking away shelves and people alike. 17 squeezed a sea urchin shaped stress ball continuously, staring at its googly eyes pop out as it inflated and deflated continuously. Was this good enough?

His shopping cart was blown away as the blast reached him. He grabbed it with 1 hand absently as it floated through the air roughly like a drunk balloon. He didn't even bother turning around or acknowledging the source of the disturbance, being the only person in the entire store to do so. (apart from the old blind deaf man asleep in his wheelchair in aisle 6, though he got a wakeup call upon smacking head first into a wall)

The entire contents of the shelf started floating in the air, 17 grabbing each of them as they flew by and checking them out. Still nothing interesting.

The place finally settled as the ship finished landing and a wave of silence spread throughout the building. Everyone ran over to the now vacant windows to check out the space ship, looking out in fear and awe.

Despite suffering from constant invasions and monster attacks, the people of Earth were strangely unfamiliar with this sight.

All those wishes Goku and his friends made to erase the population's memories of these events had the unforeseen side effect that every time a new invasion happened, the public reaction would be that of panic, shock and riots. It started getting old after a while.

The ship's door flew open and an army of soldiers dressed in full body suits started flooding the city, shooting people and destroying everything in their wake.

A couple of women and one impressively high pitched man broke the silence with their screams and that was the cue for the crowd to start running amok, taking down shelves and products alike in their wake.

They started running for the door, trying to exit the building as fast as possible, but they were too late. The aliens had already surrounded the store.

17 kept trying to decide whether to go with a yellow or a green ball cap for Marron when something caught his eye.

"Free stuffed bunnies with every 100 bandannas bought from this store!"

 _Bingo._

He was sure he owned at least twice as much, all he had to do was find a receipt for it and that bunny was his. He searched his pockets, wallet and bag. Nothing. That wasn't good.

A dozen soldiers stormed the place, blocking all exits. One man tried to fight them and was swiftly knocked to the ground. A couple more screams erupted from the crowd as the people tried to find alternate exits or a good hiding place from the invaders.

He remembered there was one place he didn't look. The most obvious one of them all. He stuck his hand inside his sock and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper and a used bit of chewing gum.

He smiled. This is what he was looking for. The free bunny was going to be his! _Now to only pick a color…_

There was no escape. The aliens round up every last one of the shoppers, tying them up and holding them at gunpoint. There was nothing left to do but pray for a hero to come save them!

 _Blue or red?_

Someone had to hear them. Someone had to have the power to stop these monsters!

 _Oh, this one has a loose eye. Red it is then._

He reached for the bunny but his hand was smacked aside by a space mace hitting the toy, pouring out all its stuffing. 17 stared at the weapon, his face blank.

"Puny earthling! You think you can survive our reign of terror? Your life will end today!" the large alien behind him chuckled, spit coming out his mouth as he spoke.

 _Fine, I'll take the blue one then._

17 brushed past him and reached for the other toy next to it. The alien promptly defaced the other toy as well, hoping to get his attention.

17 still didn't bother turning around, his hand going for another one. The alien frowned at him and smacked the mace into the other toy as well.

"You have a lot of nerve to ignore us, the Pachidelein Empire, earthling! You will pay for your insolence!" the alien pointed at him in annoyance.

17 kept trying to pick up a stuffed rabbit while the Pachidelien soldier kept trying his darndest to stop him.

Everyone stared in shock as 17 and the soldier played a very strange game of whack-a-mole with the toys, destroying everything on the counter.

Soon enough, there were only 2 toys left. One on the far left, one on the far right. 17 reached his right hand towards the left one, but the alien quickly responded to bludgeon it. 17 immediately reached with his left to the other side, taking advantage of his enemy's distraction and getting the toy that he was actually aiming for.

"Thank. You." he told his dumbfounded enemy like he was a shopping assistant, put his toy in the roughed up cart and left.

The alien's eyes went wide, shocked by the nerve of this guy, who by all means should be terrified of him. He ran up to him, blocking his way.

"Where do you think you're going?" the alien growled at him.

"Home" 17 stated flatly, trying to push the damaged cart past him.

The Pachidelien put his foot on one of the carts wheels, stopping it in place. Did this human not understand who he was dealing with?

"You will not be going home anytime soon, little man! You are our slave and will work the mines by order of our King for the rest of your insignificant –"

He was cut off as 17 slapped him across the cheek with the back of his hand and sent him flying through the entire store and out the side wall, still not acknowledging his existence in the slightest.

Upon realizing what happened, the people started cheering. Their hero had arrived!

17 continued pushing his cart towards the check-out barrier.

Their hero…was leaving? _Wait, what?_

The other soldiers stared at the scene before them, impressed by the young man's incredible display of strength.

They had to step it up a notch.

The commander in charge ordered his men to aim fire in order to make an example of him. The laser guns all shot in unison, hitting him from the backside. 17 didn't so much as flinch. The lasers seemed to do no damage to him in the slightest. Truth be told, though, his shirt DID give off the slightest wisp of smoke, but he licked his finger and put it out immediately.

The Pachideliens stopped firing when they noticed their actions were in vain. This earthling was tough!

The hostages cheered again, noticing he stood a chance against the invaders.

A stray shot hit 17's bandanna, burning the knot and causing it to drift gently to the ground. He stopped in place, looking down at his damaged article. _Dammit!_ He only had around 120 more left! These idiots really wanted to pick a fight.

He turned around, ice cold eyes narrowed menacingly. The enemies felt a tinge of fear as his gaze seemed to freeze them in place.

17 lifted an eyebrow. Of all the stupid uniforms, this one had to be the worst. He didn't know what looked more absurd; the fuzzy pink armor suit, the plastic looking weaponry or the giant helmets with long tusks and trunks hanging over the nose area.

They looked more like street performers than alien tyrants.

 _I don't even wanna know._

He shook his head in annoyance and started making his way towards the exit again.

The hostages looked at each other worriedly, not knowing what to do. Did he not notice them? Yea, that had to be it.

"Please save us!" a woman wearing a cashier outfit yelled after him, trying to grab his attention.

17 turned around again to look at her. The aliens readied their weapons, backing off a little. They were doing it more for self defense that anything else.

"Look, I don't do the whole 'saving people' thing. Last time I rescued somebody I ended up getting married" he stated, generating a few confused looks in those around him. "Besides, it's not my job to rescue humans, just animals. Sit tight and wait for a superhero or a super saiyan or something along those lines" he hand-waved the situation.

"B-but we need your help!" the woman insisted, becoming more worried by the second. Was he telling the truth? Did he really not care about their predicament?

"Not getting myself roped into an alien invasion, madam" 17 shrugged. "I have a present to get for my niece and I don't want to be late" he showed her the blue bunny toy in his hand.

"Umm, you'll need to get that checked out" the woman pointed out.

"Oh" 17 stated, realizing she was right.

"I...I can work the register" she pointed at her uniform.

 _Ah, that's good._

"B-but…I need to be untied to do that" she added, smiling nervously.

17's eyes widened a little and he charged into the crowd, blasting through the Pachideliens like a set of bowling pins. He grabbed her, tore her out of her confines and dashed over to the closest register, plopping her down on the chair.

"I have a receipt for this" he stated, showing her the slip of paper.

The woman took a few seconds to recover from her shock, then pulled out the reader and took the coupon as if nothing happened. Better do as the crazy super powered man says.

Just then, a stray energy beam hit the piece of paper, disintegrating it on spot.

The woman froze, realizing she was less than an inch away from losing her fingers.

They turned to the source of the laser.

The Pachidelien Commander stood before them, shaking and pointing a laser gun at them. _He will not be made fun of!_

"I-I'm sorry sir, but given the circumstances, I will have to charge you for the toy" the woman said nervously to the cyborg, who looked strangely unaffected by this.

All she heard was a crackle as he adjusted his neck, right before jumping at the Commander and punching him with enough force to send him flying through the roof, into space and halfway to Mars.

The foot soldiers took this time to alert the Mother Ship. An earthling was trying to stop their invasion plans!

All the Pachideliens from the ship and town dropped whatever evil activity they were up to and gathered in a large formation around the Toy Store, pulling out all their shields, tech and machinery. He was trapped.

"Always on shopping day…" 17 sighed, getting into a fighting stance.

* * *

It was over in a couple of seconds. The entire army was destroyed. He tried his best not to kill them, but accidents will happen, right?

They were barely above average human strength, what a disappointment. He didn't even get any satisfaction in beating them.

And now he was left without a present for Marron as well. Could this day get any worse?

"Seems like you managed to defeat my army. Have to say, I am impressed. But no matter, your planet is doomed anyway. Because now, you will have to face ME, KING TUSK!" a deep voice bellowed from inside the ship, a large creature making its way out towards him.

17 smirked.

 _Final boss time._

The pod door flew open as the alien king made his way out of the ship, his huge body tearing open the metal carcass of the ship like a soup can. He was almost as large as the ship itself, staring down 17 as if he were a tiny insect before his feet.

17's smile quickly changed to a frown and he rubbed his eyes in annoyance.

 _This can't be happening right now._

Suddenly the corny costumes made sense.

The alien king could only be described as a floating, fuzzy, adorable pink elephant creature with large, expressive eyes, short limbs and tiny bird wings, comically flapping them while trying to keep his immense round body in the air.

The soldiers looked downright intimidating by comparison.

"I see you are at a loss for words, mortal" the elephant thing continued in a voice that now seemed far too rough for its appearance. "But no matter, this is where it ends!" it stated, shooting a giant pink energy beam out of its heart shaped nostrils at the cyborg.

17 stood in the middle of it, completely unfazed. It felt more like a cuteness shower, complete with sparkles and rainbow residue. He doubted it was ever meant to do damage anyway. If he was trying to kill him through the power of love, it wasn't working.

The creature laughed as it kept shooting the beam, confident in his strength. The earthling was surely fried by his almighty rainbow of doom!

When the dust cleared, 17 stood right where he left him, undamaged, feeling strangely refreshed and sparkling fabulously. He will have to take a bath before showing his face in public.

"Tha-that's impossible! Nobody has been able to withstand my attack befo-"

"Alright, we both know that's a lie. You can't even hurt people, can you?" 17 stated, shaking his head, a couple of sparkles flying out of his hair like dandruff.

"N-no…" the elephant alien sniffled in embarrassment. He really was nothing without his soldiers.

"That's what I thought." 17 sighed and started a barrage of attacks against him, his punches bouncing off the soft, cuddly body like it was filled with cotton stuffing. The hits still hurt, though, as the creatures' eyes started watering and it soon fell to the ground, defeated.

"No, please, earthling! Have mercy! I promise on my status as King, that we will never try to invade your planet again!" it tried to bargain for itself, trying and failing to shield its face with its stubby little arms.

"Look, I don't really care about the fate of the Earth THAT much. There's already a goon squad that handles all of the day saving, so I'm not worried about it. I truly don't care if you try to invade this place or not"

"Y...you don't?"

"No, but I DO care that you've destroyed my niece's birthday present. That's far worse in my book."

"Oh…ohh…please, forgive me, I didn't mean to…I...I'm sorry…" the elephant cried.

"Oh, you WILL be!" 17 smirked at him, making the elephant sweat singing droplets of water.

* * *

He flew into the middle of the wreckage, striking a pose. He was late, but the destruction didn't seem to have spread beyond this one town yet, which meant it was still containable. He lifted his hand, pointing in front of him as he declared with confidence.

"People of Earth, have no fear! The Great Saiyaman is here!" he said, striking an "S" pose to emphasize his point. It looked much cooler in his mind than in real life, but it didn't matter. What mattered was stopping these invaders from-

"We…kinda already surrendered…" one of the roughed up grunts declared, waving a white flag, a couple more cowering behind him.

Gohan looked around, puzzled. Most of the aliens were unconscious and piled up like trash bags on the side, the ship was torn open from the inside out and half of it was on fire and the weaponry and machines were in pieces. Someone else got here before him, it seems.

Who could it be? There weren't that many people on Earth strong enough on to do all this, and he knew most of them. He sighed in frustration. They could've at least given him a call so he wouldn't bother ditching the seminar he was holding on nuclear physics. Now it wasn't even worth the effort of getting here.

Who could be such an insensitive prick as to not even care about his close ones' personal lives?

* * *

 _17…_

 _OF COURSE he forgot her birthday, just like every other important day ever._

18 shook her head, looking at Marrons excited face as she put out the candles on her cake. It was more of an intimate family get-together, with few guests. It didn't seem to bother Marron, who was more interested in the party than number of attendants.

 _Why did she even bother inviting him over?_

And even when he did come, it was always half-assed and with no actual presents in tow. His car keys didn't count as actual gifts and she wasn't going to accept them anymore.

Just then, she heard Krillin yelping in surprise from the balcony.

She went to see him frozen in place, gazing above at something flying towards them.

 _Wha-_

Marron walked up to her parents to see what caught their attention and her smile broadened across her perky face, her eyes shining with excitement.

"Uncle!" she waved at him, dashing outside, her parents trying to catch her before she ran into traffic.

17 smiled back at her, waving with one arm while carrying a giant pink elephant thing wrapped in a huge red bow with the other.

"Happy birthday, kiddo" 17 said, placing the elephant on the ground in front of her.

Marron ran up to him, hugging the fuzzy warm creature with all of her strength.

"An elephant plushie!" she screamed, rubbing her face against its soft fur. "Thank you, uncle 17! It's just what I always wanted!"

She said that about every gift.

"W-where did you even get that…actually, nevermind" Krillin started, but he was too afraid to continue. Truth be told, he didn't really want to know. He didn't feel like he was ready to hear it anyway. For once, he and 18 were on the same wavelength.

"Told you I'd get her a nice present this year" 17 looked smugly at them, resting his hand against the thing.

"For your information, earthling, I am not an elephant, I am a pachide-" the creature started, but was cut off by a bonk to the head.

"You're an elephant." 17 stated coldly, looking it straight in the eye.

"I…am an elephant" the creature repeated, tearing up again.

"And elephants don't talk" 17 continued.

The pachi… _elephant_ nodded in fear as the little girl giggled happily, jumping up and down on its bouncy belly.

The best part was, he realized, that he ended up getting her a great gift without spending one Zeni on it.

 _Please invade next year too._


	4. In which 17 brings his family to picnic

In which 17 brings his family to a picnic

* * *

"So, 18, do you think he'll show up?" Krillin asked, poking the hot coals with the skewer. The barbecue was almost ready.

It was a hot July afternoon and the park was bustling with activity. They usually went out for family picnics every couple of weeks, but they rarely invited him. And it was even rarer that he said yes. Krillin was surprised, to say the least.

"If he can remember where to come, yes" 18 answered, setting up the table. She was distracted with Marron trying to grab the metal forks off the table and play with them like they were makeshift spears.

 _If 17 said he'd be here, he wouldn't break his promise. IF he remembers it, that is._

"I'm just surprised he agreed to come. Didn't he say he hates these lovey-dovey family get-togethers?" Krillin added, placing the last burger patty on the grill.

"He says a lot of things." 18 replied, grabbing all the forks off the table and holding them above her head till the little girl gave up and went to play with something else. "You have to see behind his words to understand what he really means" she added, hiding the forks under a plate. She'll re-arrange those later.

She knew that perfectly well, since she did the same.

"I'll leave that to you then. I'm just a little nervous, sharing some quality time with your brother. Hope my cooking lives up to his expectations"

"Don't worry, I'll make SURE he enjoys every last bite of your burgers" 18 said coldly, squeezing a ketchup bottle into a cup so hard it sprayed upwards like a blood fountain. Krillin laughed nervously.

 _No wonder he never came to their picnics._

He was about to say 17 ditched them when a van came screeching down the alleyway, veered onto the grass and stopped just an inch from smacking him in his non-existent nose. The retired martial artist let out a breath he had been holding in for the past few seconds and fell on his rear, his legs giving in from the shock of the moment.

 _So, he did decide to show up after all._

17 got out of the car and snickered at the fallen warrior.

"Right on time!" 17 looked at his wristwatch, pleased with himself.

"Impeccable driving, as always…" Krillin joked, picking himself up.

"Ha! You're lucky it was me driving today! Now, if it were _HER_ , you would be sporting a tire track all the way across your back like a skunk!"

"Her?" Krillin asked, wondering who 17 meant.

A woman got off from the seat next to him, giggling.

"It's true, 17 is a way better driver than me" she said in all honesty, walking up to Krillin and giving him a hand to pull him to his feet.

18 walked up to the group, looking the woman up and down. Generic face, above average bust. She could tell where his point of interest lied. Way to pick them for their personality, 17.

"Ah, 17, I didn't know you had ...a…uhh… _girlfriend_ " Krillin stammered a little, not knowing what to call her without offending anyone.

17 looked away visibly embarrassed, avoiding the conversation.

The woman chuckled into her hand and made a dismissive gesture. She wrapped around his arm affectionately and leaned her head on his shoulder.

"Oh, I'm not his girlfriend, silly, I'm his WIFE!"

Krillin froze in place like a statue and stayed that way for what felt like the longest time. The woman poked him in the chest, worried about his condition and the fact that he didn't appear to be breathing. He fell stiffly on his back again and didn't move for a solid minute.

18 too was in shock, but it didn't show.

"You never told me you had a WIFE, _dear_ brother" 18 scowled at him, crossing her arms in annoyance.

"Meh"

"You never told me you had a SISTER!" the woman pointed out in surprise.

18 frowned deeper.

"Meh"

"Excuse us" 18 said calmly and grabbed 17 by his shirt, pulling him aside.

"Alright, what gives?" she started questioning him, her finger dangerously close to poking his eye out. "How long did you intend to keep this a secret from me?"

"Oh, like you didn't do the same!" he retorted.

"No, I didn't! Because unlike you, I care about my family!"

"Oh, really? Is that why, when I first came to visit your house, Marron's reaction was 'Mommy, you dyed your hair!'?"

 _Touché._

18 fell silent at this. They did grow rather distant, didn't they? She never even realized it, but he was right. They used to be together all the time, but now they hardly spoke to each other. She looked at the ground, avoiding his gaze. She felt a little sad that it got this way.

"Look, this wasn't my idea. I had a slip of the tongue earlier today and she insisted we come. I don't like this situation any more than you do. Make this quick and painless for me, ok?" he whispered to her.

"Honey, you HAVE to introduce us!" 18 heard the woman's loud voice break the mood as she grabbed them both by the shoulders like they were best friends.

The woman's breasts scraped uncomfortably against her back and 18 felt a tinge of frustration and inferiority at this.

"I can tell you were dazzled by her wit and charm, 17" she snickered at him smugly.

"Actually, I have a PHD in avian biology and 3 award-winning novels" the woman pointed out matter-of-factly, then giggled again like a ditz.

18's left eyebrow twitched.

NO! She was NOT jealous of her sister-in-law! That would be pathetic! Even if she did manage to rock that physique AND be a literary genius somehow, not to mention able to keep 17's attention for more than 30 seconds before he started playing paddle ball by himself.

"So, uh, how's life with my brother?" she decided to break the silence.

"Difficult"

18 smiled. She might like this woman after all.

* * *

Krillin finally picked himself up again, feeling his heartbeat stabilize. He needed a glass of water to recover.

"You two spend some quality time together, I'm gonna go get the kids before they starve in there" 17 stated unemotionally, pulling the girls closer to each other as he left towards the van.

Kids? _PLURAL?_

 _17 what do you mean-_

He opened the door to the backseat of the car, gesturing for the ones inside to vacate the premises.

"You know the drill, everyone out, straight line, go!" he hushed them like a football coach.

The 3 did as ordered, lining up in front of him. The 2 older ones looked at each other as if sending rude psychic messages behind his back, while the small one seemed to be the most ok with all this. He seemed to oddly have the most experience with his father's routine.

"Alright, now go dogpile on your uncle, I have to unload the car" 17 pointed at Krillin, walking behind them.

The 3 didn't need any more instructions as they ran towards the short, unsuspecting man, yelling and shoving each other.

Krillin choked on his drink as he saw the small army come at him, jumping on top of him and crying for food. They were more like animals than humans.

It seemed obvious now that 17 wasn't the best person to raise kids. He should keep that in mind when letting him babysit Marron.

The short fighter was knocked to the ground for the 3rd time in the last couple of minutes and didn't feel like getting up anymore. Too many shocks in a short period of time. His heart couldn't take it.

Surprisingly, the 2 older ones, who he noticed were a boy and a girl about the same age (and still taller than him, sadly) helped him to his feet, smiling at him.

Krillin smiled back and thanked them. At least THEY had better manners than their father.

He tried to leave for the table but tripped on his face. His pants were pulled down to his ankles and he also noticed his wallet, keys and ID were missing.

He dragged his face on the ground towards the 2 culprits who snickered at him from the side, the younger one shaking his head at them in disapproval.

"Give your uncle back his things, kids" 17 said without even looking their way, fully concentrated on the large bag he was carrying to the table. Marron smiled at him and he pet her head.

"Hey kiddo."

"Hi un-" the girl stopped midway and looked behind him in awe, noticing the sudden arrival of other children to their picnic. She rarely got to spend time with kids outside of school and Trunks and Goten were both a lot older and lived so far away.

"Go play with your cousins" he scooted her from behind. She didn't need another invitation as she grabbed her cheeks in excitement.

"I have COUSINS?" she squeaked and ran up to them, starting a game of tag around her father's fallen body. Krillin was afraid to get up anymore since he would butt heads with one of the squealing menaces for sure.

* * *

18 and her sister-in-law came back in time to see Krillin being circled by the pack of hyperactive mini-vultures.

The woman clapped her hands at them.

"Alright, kids, settle down! Lunch is gonna be ready soon! Take your seats."

They reacted to the noun 'food' like it was a trigger word and they all instantly jumped at the picnic table, the older ones fighting to get the seat closest to the appetizer plate. The boy grabbed a ketchup bottle and the girl grabbed the mustard and they started dueling each other with condiments over the best seat, making a mess all over.

The young one sat next to Marron quietly, straightening his clothes and putting on a napkin like a bib. Well, that one was impressively civilized, especially given that he looked way younger than Marron.

18 raised an eyebrow at this. It just dawned on her that the taller children looked a bit too old. They towered over Marron and were even a bit taller than Krillin, though that didn't mean much.

They looked at least 10 years old. She made a mental estimation and she realized that only about 11 had passed since they were reactivated by Gero. Marron herself was only 7.

The only way that was possible is if he had them immediately after getting revived after the Cell Games…which means that instead of worrying about her and coming to look for her he immediately decided to start a new life without her… did this… _HUSSY_ really win his affection so fast he forgot about her just like that?

She felt betrayed by her closest kin, this was so wrong. What did that woman have that she didn't?...aaand now she just realized she was talking about her _brother_ that way and the heat was probably getting to her and she had to get her mind off these thoughts before it was too late.

She looked at the kids again. The brats looked like twins, and they certainly resembled both her and 17, though they were somewhat mirrored. The more deadpan blonde boy and easygoing brunette girl both had their sharp eyes and mischievous personalities, though she couldn't quite place it. Something felt a little off about them.

So, what about the young one? The brown haired one looked no older than 4, but he seemed a lot more mature than the other 2 at times. He also didn't look or act anything like 17.

She walked over to her brother who was unpacking the bags on the table, smacking his hand over the twins' as they kept attempting and failing to steal the various food articles he was placing down.

"I see you've been busy" she told her brother, indicating towards the 3 kids.

"I guess" 17 answered absently, still focused on his activity.

"How old are they?" she pointed at the two who were trying to replace the salami under their father's hand with a condiment bottle, Indiana Jones style.

"Uhh, I dunno. 9?" he shrugged.

"We're 12, dad" the boy pouted, crossing his arms at him.

 _12? How is that even possible?_

 _When did 17 have them? Wait, did 17 have them BEFORE they were turned into cyborgs?_

She felt a tingle of fear creep down her spine at the thought.

 _What else was he keeping a secret from her?_

"And what are their names?" 18 asked, composing herself, realizing 17 hadn't bothered giving her any of their names so far, not even his wife.

17 lifted his gaze to look at her, bothered by all her pestering. He turned his head towards the 2.

"What are your names again?"

The kids glanced at each other, then at him with narrow upset eyes. As did 18.

"You don't even know your own children's names?!" she asked in surprise.

"Hey, it's not like I've known them for long enough to remember!" 17 defended himself, actually making the situation worse.

18 shook her head. He was so ignorant sometimes, she swore he would feel right at home in the Son House.

"12 years isn't long enough for you?"

She wondered if he even remembered HER name. The number one, not her real one. She didn't know that one either.

"For your information, it's 2 months, not 12 years" he corrected her, getting another raised eyebrow from her. "They're not actually mine" he added.

18 opened her mouth, then changed her mind and closed it, then opened it again, but there were still no words to articulate what she wanted to say.

"He adopted us in May" the brunette girl explained, holding a straw in her mouth while she tried to aim the other end inside an open soda can. "We just went with it" she added, hitting her target. She smiled, feeling proud of her achievement.

18 was taken aback by this. 17 adopted his kids? She really didn't see him as the upstanding citizen type. What compelled him to do it?

This changed a few things though, and their age now made sense.

"So, all your children are adopted, huh?" she wanted to confirm her assumptions.

"Oh, no, this one's mine. He'll be 3 next week." he said, picking up the small boy who waved at 18 timidly.

A smile tugged at 18's lips. Funny that the only child that didn't resemble him in the slightest was the one that actually shared his genes. It's like fate wanted to tell him that it'd be better if the child didn't take after their father at all. Only 17 (and also Vegeta) could be a bad enough example of a parent to warrant that.

 _I mean, at least Marron has my hair…_

"I see he takes after his mother" she teased him.

"It runs in the family, after all" 17 bit back.

 _Touché again._

17 was on a roll today.

"Don't worry, unlike SOME people-" he looked straight at her as he said it "-I plan to properly educate mine. First step was organizing them by rank based on age and ability to stand still and listen to orders. This one's the general" he ruffled up the small boys' hair, who grinned proudly.

"Second step is teaching them survival skills. The older ones have some basics down, but they're still far from knowing how to place spike traps, tackle a bear or shoot bandits. That won't take long to fix, though, provided their mom spends enough time at the office" he shot a quick glance at his wife at this, who smiled kindly, but seemed to sport quite a deadly aura behind it.

 _That's it, no more babysitting Marron for a while._

"So, uh, I take it you like spending time outdoors?" Krillin asked, finally managing to reach the table after everything that happened.

"It's my job actually." 17 answered, sitting down at the table.

Krillin realized he never asked him what he did for a living, and 18 never bothered telling him. He was curious what kind of a career someone like 17 would pick.

"So, uh, what do you do?" he asked, sitting down on the opposite side of him.

"Park Ranger" 17 shrugged.

Krillin snorted into his hand, trying his best not to laugh out loud. Really? _Him?_

"Yes, he's actually very good at it. Illegal hunting has gone down 99% since he started working with us!" his wife quipped happily. The 1% left will be made examples of.

"Poachers are easy to put down if you have a working flamethrower handy" 17 explained. Krillin chuckled nervously. Of course he would take even a job as average as tending a park far too seriously.

"He even saved my life within the first few weeks of starting this job. He was so wonderful, so dreamy!" she looked up at the sky all starry eyed, grabbing his arm again. 17 seemed slightly flustered by it.

Krillin relaxed a little. They made a cute couple.

"I felt indebted to him for life! We got married almost immediately." she added, resting her head on his shoulder romantically.

"Honestly, I would've preferred it if you paid me instead" 17 mumbled, hoping she didn't hear that. She shot him a venomous glare. She did.

"But what's done is done. At least the sex is good" he tried to save it.

She giggled at his 'joke' and he felt something poking him repeatedly between the ribs. It was most likely a table knife. Good thing his skin was tough enough to withstand it.

Krillin frowned. Nevermind his previous statement. They should've never been together in the first place.

18 on the other hand thought they totally deserved each other. She was also starting to respect her in-law a lot more now. Seems there was more to their relationship than she previously thought.

She was sure 17 felt the same, regardless of what he said in public. Even if he wouldn't admit it, he did feel attracted to his wife by more than just her physical looks. He was probably impressed by how much trust she had in him, despite his unruly and often childish behavior, not to mention deadly superhuman powers that would usually scare ordinary people off.

She probably understood his feelings even more than he did himself. She knew that he too was happy to have her and their family and would stay by their side no matter what.

18 knew this. After all, it was the same for her and Krillin.

She smiled warmly. Even without knowing about it, she and 17 seemed to have the same emotional needs. Maybe, they haven't drifted as far apart as she thought.

17 turned to look at her, returning her smile. Even though they didn't share a mental link (like some people imagined) he guessed what she was thinking about through her facial expression. And he seemed to agree with her.

"Alright, who wants to eat?" Krillin decided to break the silence, gesturing enthusiastically in the air.

All the children raised their hands, the brunette girl raising both. He smiled. They seemed ready.

"Daddy, how long is the fire gonna keep burning?" Marron tugged at his pants, pointing at the grill.

Krillins' eyes went wide as he saw the roast had turned into a bonfire. In all the commotion, he had completely forgotten about the barbecue!

He ran up to it, trying to put it out.

Water, he needed water!

He ran around like a headless chicken. There was no river nearby!

Ah, he remembered he had a cold water bucket for keeping the beer bottles cool. He could use that!

Just as he thought it, a cold shower washed over him, putting out the fire and soaking the grill. He stared at the ruined meat, then back at the source.

The little boy stood behind him, holding the large empty bucket with both hands.

"Fire's out!" he declared proudly, placing the bucket down and sitting back at the table.

Krillin was glad his face was wet, otherwise it would be embarrassing to be seen crying in front of children.

* * *

They all sat at the table, looking down nervously, nobody saying a word. These were the most disgusting looking burgers they'd ever seen. The meat was both charred AND soggy, and the steaks had the consistency of charcoal.

' _Good thing we still have the appetizers'_ Krillin thought, turning to pick something off the plateau.

' _Huh?'_

He frowned. They were all gone!

"Where did all the appetizers go?" Krillin asked, surprised. He saw 17 fill up that plate not too long ago!

He turned towards the younger twins, who grinned and shook their heads in unison. He lowered his gaze at their pockets which were overflowing with cocktail weenies, cheese cubes and caviar.

 _Guess the appetizers are off the list._

17 smirked to himself. He was glad that his modified body didn't really need food to survive. He could just wait the day off and be done with it.

18 placed a burger on every one of their plates.

"Burgers it is then." She said flatly, sitting down to hers.

"Krillin put his heart and soul into this food-" she added, pointing at the sloppy mess in front of them "-and he wants YOU, dear brother," she made sure to single him out "to enjoy every last bit of it!"

They all turned to look at 17, who seemed a little under the weather. His eyes darted around himself. The children stared in awe like he was given a dare. His wife gave him a worried look, pleading him not to go through with it. Krillin seemed scared and ashamed for putting him in this situation.

18 on the other hand glared sharply at him, her eyes glinting with a 'don't you dare not do it' vibe.

He scoffed. Big deal, eating a stale burger. He placed a lot of disgusting things in his mouth during his lifetime (No, not like that). His taste buds were severely muted anyway, how bad could it be?

He took a healthy bite out of it.

Everyone leaned in, looking for a reaction from him. He seemed unfazed, as straight faced as ever.

"Well, how is it?" 18 insisted, noticing he wasn't swallowing it.

"Incomprehensible" he stated flatly, gulping hard as the wet goop slowly slipped down his esophagus.

 _Dear god this is terrible! I'd rather chew on moldy lichen than eat this! Get this thing away from me, please!_

His gaze lifted to look at something peculiar in the sky.

"Is that a blimp or just my imagination?" he said, everyone turning to look in the same direction. There was nothing there.

He moved lightning fast, throwing the burger behind himself and blasting it to bits in a manner of miliseconds. He did the same to all the burgers on the table.

"I don't see a blimp…" Marron frowned, saddened.

18 noticed what he did and her frown deepened. Her power level was rising, making the table shake and the plates jump. She was quite upset with him.

Everyone around her caught on to what was happening and paled. Krillin instinctively jumped under the table. The only one amused by this was Marron, who thought her dad was acting silly.

"Huh, guess it was just my imagination after all. Well, I finished my lunch. So did everyone else, I see. Well, we have to get going. The kids must be tired" he started, getting up from the table and grabbing his bags.

The twins picked up on it immediately and nodded.

"Yea, see, my sister is REALLY tired" the boy said, holding the girl like she was about to faint.

"Indeed, I am so tired!" she confirmed, placing a hand over her forehead melodramatically.

"I'm not tire-" the little boy started but he was elbowed in the gut by his older brother "-I mean, yea, I'm kinda sleepy too" he changed his tune immediately, letting out a fake yawn to emphasize his point.

18 crossed her arms, getting more upset by the second. The plates and glasses fell off the table from all the rumbling.

"Told you" 17 smiled nervously at her, backing off towards the car.

The kids gunned for it, jumping in the backseat like they were being chased by rabid hyenas.

"Well, it's been a pleasure spending time with you. Till next time!" the woman bowed courteously before 18 and her family, quickly following the children towards the car.

"There's not gonna be a next time!" 17 corrected her, pressing the gas pedal as hard as he could without breaking it, the car screeching loudly as it backed away, being out of sight almost immediately.

18 let out a sigh, her anger subsiding as she watched them run away. It felt bad keeping her emotions bottled up like that, but she didn't feel outraged enough to let them out.

Today was a total bust.

Feeling her cool off, Krillin wearily poked his head from under the table.

She smiled at him.

"Well, I still think your burgers are great" she told him, helping him sit back on the bench.

"Sorry, honey, this was all my fault" he admitted "I promise, next time we have a family picnic I'll be more careful"

18's eyes widened in a mixture of fear and fury.

" _There's not gonna be a next time!_ " she shrieked, mirroring her brother's words and throwing the picnic table in the air with all her strength. Release felt so good.

Krillin stared upwards as it disappeared into space.

Guess they'll have to pick a different family activity from now on.


	5. In which 17 becomes a father

In which 17 becomes a father

* * *

He glanced up at the clock tower in the middle of the market square. 12 noon. Well, great, she called him to come see her down town, and now she was the one who was late. He frowned. So this is what it felt like to be on time, huh?

Well, too bad, he wasn't going to wait for her if she didn't plan on being punctual. She needed to understand that tardiness leaves a mark on your reputation. He started counting down. If she wasn't there in the next 5 minutes, he was going home, no matter what.

17 stared at the clock, watching the hands slowly move as the seconds went by. This was made even worse by the fact that his brain was programmed to perceive time a lot faster than normal in order to keep up with a saiyan's movement speed, so every second felt like an eternity. He hated this so much.

And to top it all off, he was being robbed.

 _Amateurs._

"Don't bother taking my wallet, I didn't bring any money with me" 17 said dryly without turning around. The blonde boy froze in shock. How did he notice him?

"How…" the kid managed, backing away a little.

"You're never going to pull off a successful heist if you go about it like that." 17 scolded him. "Here, I'll teach you how to do it properly"

The child frowned, confused at his words.

"First of all-" 17 started, lifting his finger in the air, the boy following his movement with caution "-your target needs a proper distraction" he smiled, turning to look towards him.

The boy tried to back away at this, but felt a push knock him to the ground. 17 squatted behind him, his hand extended towards him.

"Like that." he finished his explanation, standing back up. "It's not difficult, now is it?"

 _How did he move without being seen?_ This was going really bad, really fast.

He got back on his feet wearily, looking up at him. The stranger had such a cold, lifeless look to him, his reflection-less blue eyes drilling into him like they were staring at his soul. Everything about him seemed so inhuman, so artificial, so intimidating. He couldn't even imagine what was going on behind that emotionless face of his.

 _Goddammit, it's been 6 minutes already. I'm missing my show because of her!_

He knew he had made a huge mistake picking this guy to mug.

But he wasn't about to back off. He glanced to his left quickly, then back at him. He wasn't a coward. He had committed to it, he had to see it through. He had to let the stranger know that he wasn't afraid of him, even if he sported such a dangerous aura of unpredictability.

"Fine then, if you want to be like that, I'll ask again" the boy picked up a rock off the ground, preparing to throw it at his head. "Give me everything you own!"

17 chuckled and made a dismissive gesture at him.

"Alright then, Mr. Robber-" he said, fiddling with something in his pocket "-there you go" he said, bending over to his level and grabbing the surprised boys' arm. The gesture made him drop the rock and he noticed the guy place a switchblade in his palm.

17 pulled the boy closer, the child unable to escape his strong grip, and pointed the knife inches away from his own eye.

"Show me you mean it" he smirked at him, letting go.

 _What is this guy?_

"Wh-what are-" the child stammered, his hand shaking.

"Unless you're willing to go through with it, don't threaten your target. It'll make you look bad AND you'll be risking your life." 17 continued his lesson, bending in closer to him, his eye almost making contact with the tip.

The boy grit his teeth in repulsion and backed off, dropping the weapon on the ground. This was so wrong. He had never done something like this before. _He couldn't!_ Who is this lunatic?

"L-look, I don't need survival lessons from you, old man! I've been doing this my whole life!" the kid told him, his voice growing loud, his entire body shaking with anxiety.

17 raised an eyebrow. 'Old man?' This was a first. Even after all these years, he noticed that his body stayed the same as the day he was first activated. Either he didn't age, or he did so at an amazingly slow rate. While 18 tried to make up for it by using different kinds of make-up, age-appropriate outfits or various hair styles, he felt like it was an exercise in futility. When all's said and done, they were still physically teenagers, and people treated them as such.

He was called 'kid', 'boy', 'runt', 'brat' and other words he didn't like at all on an almost weekly basis, but he was willing to take it, knowing that at the end of the day, he could kick their teeth in through their spines if he felt like it.

But 'old man'? That actually got to him. He smiled. This kid was interesting.

"Alright then, I'll take your word for it. Show me how you fight then." 17 smiled, getting into a fighting stance.

The boy clenched his fists. He had to do it, huh? He stood straight, his back rigid and his arms in the air, ready to protect his head from any incoming blows. He knew that if he let his guard down, this guy was surely going to trash him.

"You're doing it all wrong" he heard the stranger's voice from behind himself. He froze in fear, feeling the guy grab him by the shoulders and forcefully bend him into a more defensive stance "you need to relax your body. Don't stand like that, one punch and I'll break your spine. Stand to the side. Block with your leg and hit back with the other." 17 coached him, placing him in the position he just described.

The boy didn't understand. Was this guy trying to help him beat him?

He stood as instructed. 17 walked back to his place and gestured for the kid to come at him.

"Be gentle, my brittle old bones can't take much" he mocked him, appearing to be enjoying himself.

The child was already angry enough, he didn't need any more reasons to hate him. He had enough teasing and abuse back at the orphanage. He didn't need it out on the streets as well.

He ran at him, screaming and punching him with all he had. He missed, again and again, even though the guy didn't even appear to be moving. Was the weirdo dodging, or was he avoiding hitting him out of fear? He couldn't even tell anymore.

"You will never make it out here if you hit like that" 17 continued berating him. "here, let me show you" he added, throwing a punch of his own.

The boy froze, seeing the fist come closer to him, but unable to avoid it. He felt the arm curb its trajectory at the last second, slowing down as it got near his face, stopping just slightly to the left of his ear. The aftershock of the blow ruffled his short spiky hair, his cheek feeling like a sharp sword just grazed it as it passed by.

He stood like that for a few seconds, his mind trying to register the situation.

He turned his head slowly, his eyes going wide. The entire area behind him was leveled in a straight line, all the buildings and trees torn to pieces in its wake. Luckily, this wasn't a very populated area, otherwise there was a high risk of human casualties, given the situation.

"THIS is how you punch" he ended the lesson, turning to the kid. "Now, it's your turn" he smiled again, waiting for it.

"T-that's impossible! I can't do that!" the boy cried, feeling tears well up in his eyes. All this time, he hadn't stood a chance against this guy.

"Then give up. You're far too soft. The streets will eat you alive." 17 looked him in the eye, sharp emerald green meeting his icy blue. He meant it. And he was right.

"Give up and go home." he warned him, hoping the kid got the point.

"What do you know?!" the boy insisted, not able to keep his tears inside any longer. He was embarrassing himself, but he wasn't going to be looked down on. "You live the good life, all cozy in your house with your family, warm meals and all you can ask for! When this day is over, you're going back to that life, while I go back to sleeping in my cardboard box! You know nothing about hardships!" he sniffled, his face turning red from all his crying.

A watchful eye looked them over from the left side, behind one of the buildings close to them. The owner bit their lip, weary as they saw him. The little boy looked ready to break.

17 looked away, thinking it over. The brat had no idea of the things he went through. He didn't even mean the parts with Gero or Cell. His like sucked even before all that. He only remembered a small part of it, since most of his memories before he was turned into a cyborg were erased, but he still knew the feeling. The cold feeling of sleeping on a bus stop bench at night during the rain, the immense hunger pains while scraping for food in alleyways, the shame of stealing the clothes he wore on his back, the adrenaline of having to stay on the run to avoid cops…he felt all of that still.

Hell, his rough and aggressive fighting style probably came from him duking it out regularly with various gangs that tried to get in his and his sister's way. He didn't want to see anyone else follow the same downward spiral he did just because he didn't want to try the alternative. He will beat this kid straight if he had to.

"I have a lot more experience in being a criminal than you do." he told the kid, still sounding very serious about it. "If you really want to do this, then you'll have to kill me." he added, gesturing for the kid to fight him seriously this time.

The child didn't need another invitation. He came at him with all his strength, hitting him in the chest. 17 didn't even flinch. He recoiled almost immediately, his arm in pain like he had just punched a wall. He held his bruised hand close to him, backing off.

 _No chance._

17 walked up to him, locking him in place with his gaze. He felt like a mouse trapped in a corner by the snake that wanted to prey on him. His lights went out as he felt a fist hit him in the stomach so rough, it knocked the wind out of him. He fell flat on the ground, clutching his aching belly.

17 knew that was only a light tap. Any more and he risked seriously injuring the kid. But he had to understand, others weren't going to go easy on him. It's a dog eat dog world out there, and he wasn't ready for it.

"Just go home" he repeated.

He turned around, leaving him lying there in the dirt. He glanced at the watch tower. It's been over 10 minutes. He was leaving.

The boy felt so weak. The guy was just toying with him. Making him look bad in front of her…he didn't want to look weak to her. He had promised her he'd try hard for her sake. That he would protect her from all the dangers out there. But he was nothing. He couldn't even steal a pathetic wallet to buy something for them to eat.

Just then, he heard a wailing come from behind the building.

' _No, don't come out!'_

17 turned to the source of the sound, watching a long haired brunette girl slightly taller than the other kid storm in from behind a tall building on his left, her face wet with tears. He watched her run up to the boy and fall to her knees in front of him.

"Big brother...no…" she cried, grabbing his shirt. "…please, get up!" she kept crying. "Mister, why…he didn't mean it! He was just playing around! We're only kids!" she turned to 17, sniffing hard, her adorable little face scrunching up in grief.

17 wasn't impressed. It wasn't the first time someone tried to emotionally manipulate him. One of them became his wife, after all.

The girl was lying her ass off, and he knew it. She also knew that he wasn't buying it, either.

The boy looked up at her, trying and failing to stand up on his knees.

"Sis, don't. Let him be..." he managed weakly, coughing up in pain.

' _Sister huh? They're siblings.'_ 17 thought. They looked so much alike, they must be twins.

Just like…

"Mister, please…" the girl addressed him again, tears still streaming down her face "we're really sorry for all the trouble we caused you. Please, help my brother up..." she told him, gesturing for him to help her hoist him by the arm.

17 sighed and bent over to pick him up. This was the last thing he was going to do today.

The girl's green eyes glinted maliciously and her tears instantly dried. She let go of the boy and pushed the switchblade she hid behind him straight into 17's neck. She smirked at him. 17 realized it was his switchblade from earlier that the boy dropped a little way away.

' _Clever girl' he thought._

' _Gullible idiot' she thought._

"Sis, I told you not to do it!" the boy said, managing to lift himself in a sitting position. He promised he'd be protecting HER, not the other way around! He knew she tended to go off the rails for him, but this guy wasn't like all the others. She wasn't going to win.

Her smile faded quickly when she noticed the knife didn't even penetrate the skin. She stared at the weapon in shock. The blade was the one that broke instead.

 _What is this guy?_

"Told you to let him be." the boy repeated himself. "We stand no chance against him!" he lowered his gaze in shame.

The girl didn't listen to him, though.

"No, YOU don't stand a chance! I haven't even TRIED yet!" she yelled, grabbing 17's hair and pulling hard. Even if she couldn't win in a fair fight, pulling hair, poking eyes and biting fingers hurt even the toughest adversary. After all, no matter how much you train, you can't strengthen your scalp nerves.

17 let her pull, showing no emotion. She pulled even harder, hoping it'd register. It didn't.

"That's a pretty good strategy you have there, Missy" he said calmly "but my nerve ends are dulled to the point where something like this isn't a big deal".

She backed off, frightened, clutching a handful of his hair. He stared down at it, frowning.

"THAT, however, is a problem for me" he said, probing the damaged area with his hand. He wasn't even sure if it grew back. Good thing it wasn't that much; it probably wasn't even noticeable. He hoped.

"Yea, well…" she started, feeling the same kind of fear as her brother "This time I'll take it all off!" she screamed, jumping at his hair again. He wasn't about to give her a second chance, though, and he grabbed her arm before she could reach him, holstering her up in the air forcefully.

"Pulling arms is also painful" he said to her writhing form. She was like an eel, slipping up and down and trashing her limbs wildly.

"Let go of her, you…you MEANIE!" the boy screamed at him.

 _Now THAT, that was painful. Actually, no, the word I'm looking for is 'pitiful'._

"Let go of me, you fucking cocksucker!" the girl yelled, trying desperately to free her hand.

 _See, now that's better._

He dropped her like a sack of potatoes, letting her nurse her bruised arm next to her brother.

"Go home" 17 repeated a third time that day, this time to the girl.

She chuckled, looking him dead on with fierce eyes. "Go home? Go home to what?! We have no parents to go home to, you idiot!" she yelled, trying to hit him again, receiving a good smack to the head that knocked her back on the ground.

 _Learn to take a hint, kid._

"Alright, alright you win." the girl said, rubbing her throbbing head. She looked down, avoiding his face.

"Oh, _really_?" 17 asked sarcastically. He knew this wasn't the end of it. This girl, she reminded him too much of himself. And he knew he had a hard time learning when to quit.

The girl picked up a handful of dust off the ground and threw it at 17's eyes, blinding him. She took this chance to search his pockets. He had a credit card on him! She knew he was lying about the money!

She turned to her brother, trying to put him on his feet. They had to get away, quick, before the guy got his vision back.

"Let's get out of here!" she told him, hoisting him over her shoulder.

She didn't even manage to walk a few steps before she felt a jolt of pain hit her from behind and threw her to the ground, stinging as if she had just touched an electric fence. Her brother felt it too, falling next to her.

 _What was that? How did he do this? He couldn't see her, right?_

"Another lesson for you: don't be loud when you're trying to outrun your enemies. You're giving away your position." 17 added, his eyes still closed. He didn't need to see to hit them with an energy wave.

He walked up to them, rubbing his eyes with his sleeve. His vision started returning, but it was a little fuzzy. It almost looked like the kids were actually crying.

No, they really were.

The girl covered her face with her hand. She didn't want that bastard to see her tears. He didn't deserve them.

The boy dragged himself closer to her, looking worried. His sister rarely let her emotions get to her. It was usually just a facade to fool adults into doing whatever she wanted. But this time, it was for real. She really was this broken. It was unnerving, to say the least. He had promised her he would never let it get to this, but here they were. About to get killed by a superhuman monster with no remorse, even if they were just poor starving orphans trying to make it by themselves.

He covered her with his body protectively, looking up at 17 with fierce eyes.

"You will not harm her!" he yelled, he too feeling his tears falling down his face. "You can have me! Do whatever you want! Take your anger out on me! But leave her be!"

The girl looked up at him in shock.

"Big brother…don't. It's all my fault for coming up with this stupid robbery plan, anyway" she admitted, trying and failing to push him off her "I…I don't need you to protect me...it's ok, really." she smiled at him reassuringly.

17 watched this whole scene unfold in complete silence. This all felt so familiar to him.

 _Don't…you don't need to protect me...I'm strong enough to handle him…that madman won't get you, sis…I promise. As long as I'm alive-  
_

"-he won't hurt you…" the boy finished, curling up next to her. The girl felt a wave of sadness wash over her and she hugged him as well, lying down on their sides together, waiting for their adversary to finish the job.

17 looked down at them, feeling his heart heavy. This wasn't coincidence, this was fate. He smiled at them, this time showing genuine emotion.

"Alright, you win" he threw his hands in the air. The kids looked at him, puzzled by the turnabout. "I know when I'm beaten. And I'll give you the prize you deserve" he said, helping them to their feet.

The kids backed off a little, fearing the worst. His kind expression seemed honest though, more human than he looked the entire day. What did he mean by it?

"Y-you sure? You're not trying to trick us?" the boy said wearily.

"As sure as I'll ever be." 17 confirmed, taking each of them by the hand.

* * *

18 walked into the marketplace square, glancing up at the clock. 12:30. She looked around. No sign of him. What a guy! She wanted to do this little experiment to teach him a lesson in tardiness, and he just left her there! He even took out his frustration on a few crumpled old buildings! What a child! He probably ran off somewhere to sulk, having learned no lesson at all from any of this. He really had no mature circuit in his body.

She shook her head and stormed off. If he was going to act like that, she didn't need him around, anyway. She could go window shopping all by herself.

 _Where did he run off to, anyway?_

* * *

She turned around, hearing a knock on the door. Now who could that be? 17 said he would be away for a few hours…

She turned the stove off and headed for the cabin door. Her smile faded when she saw 17 holding 2 scrawny, dirty, surprised looking kids at his sides.

"Meet our new children." 17 said, grinning at her.


	6. In which 17 spends time with Trunks

In which 17 spends quality time with Trunks

* * *

 _Where am I?_

He noticed something light and round over the top of his head, floating above him and following his every move. Was that a…halo?

He didn't even understand what was going on. The last thing he remembered was a reformed Cell appearing out of a cloud of smoke, shooting an energy beam at his chest and...

 _OH._

He looked down. His wound had closed up completely, his clothes back together like nothing ever happened. That was of course impossible, unless…

 _I'm dead._

He looked around, noticing he was standing in line with a bunch of small clouds which he assumed were dead people's souls, which were all being filed and managed by some business suit wearing blue and red ogres. He wondered why he was the only one in the crowd with a face and a body and why he couldn't stop himself from walking in line with the rest of them, as if pulled by an invisible supernatural force. Everyone seemed to be heading towards a tall red and green pagoda at the end of the path, going in one by one like cattle for the slaughter.

And what an apt metaphor, given his situation.

"Well, well, looks like they'll let anyone in here these days" he heard a familiar voice chuckle sarcastically to his right side.

Years of pain and trauma caused a particular voice-triggered reaction in his brain, making him jump and tense up immediately.

He screamed, dashing to the opposite side and putting up his fists. There he was.

17 floated in the air in a sitting position, his arms crossed smugly. He too sported a similar looking halo and for some reason had kept his real body. What was HE doing here? Why HIM of all people? He probably died when Cell blew himself up, didn't he? So he must've gotten there only a couple of minutes earlier.

Trunks grit his teeth with an audible crunch.

"I have to say the same" he spat, his frown as deep as he could muster. Then he relaxed a little and gave him a sly smile. "I thought androids had no souls, what are YOU doing here?"

17 chuckled at his retort, shaking his head. "Well, see, that's a mistake on your part. I never said I'm an 'android'. I said I'm an 'artificial human'. A CYBORG, to be precise."

"A toaster by any other name…" Trunks added in a low voice.

17 rolled his eyes at that, landing next to him.

"I really don't get what your problem is, kid. I think we interacted like...what? 2 times?"

"You are the bane of my entire life!" Trunks sneered, keeping his distance.

17 lifted his arms in front of himself defensively.

"Ok, testy. 2 times too many for you, I suppose. I'd hate to see how you handle public workers"

"You know very well what I'm talking about! You killed everyone I love!"

"No, I didn't" 17 pointed out, getting a little confused. This kid was really out of it.

"In MY timeline you did!" Trunks insisted, forgetting that the an _-cyborgs_ from this time didn't know he was from the future, or that they themselves were the reason he came to the past in the first place.

17 groaned.

"Really? _Alternate timelines_? Do you actually plan on holding me accountable for something that an alternate version of myself might have done in another world? Do you even listen to yourself? I mean, for all I know, I could be reincarnated as a donkey in my next life, would you still consider me a villain?"

"You don't need to worry about that, you're already an ass" Trunks retorted, his eyes narrowing at him.

17 clapped at his line. Give the kid some credit, he was getting better at smack talking.

An ogre with a megaphone gestured for the line to keep moving, forcing the pair to stop what they were doing and follow the group, walking by each other's side. They avoided looking at one another, staying silent for what felt like forever. They finally reached a large room inside the building, which was also tended by a bunch of ogres with checklists, who guided the souls inside a much larger purple ogre's office. They looked ahead, seeing the line thin out as they were getting closer to his desk.

"Alright, moving on from the school yard banter." 17 changed the subject, proving to surprisingly be the more mature of the 2 "That still doesn't explain this place. Where are we, anyway?"

"I suppose this is the afterlife" Trunks mused, looking around.

"You know, I expected my afterlife to have a lot more rainbows and singing cherubs" 17 said to himself, realizing he never really gave much thought about what was going to happen to him after he died. Considering that he was technically immortal and technically the strongest being in the world (both things that were retconned during the same day, it seems) he never even imagined he would DIE in the first place. This was a little unnerving, to be sure.

"Next!" a glasses-wearing dorkish ogre gestured for them to move to the front of the line.

"For you, a boiling cauldron and spear toting imps are far more appropriate" Trunks turned it against him again, assuring him he will not let his grudge go no matter what.

"Glad I have you to keep me company then." 17 smiled.

"Oh, please! There's no way for me to go to Hell. Face it, you will rot in there alone and miserable FOREVER, while I wait for Goku and the others to revive me with the dragonballs. Have fun getting your just deserts baked in the fires of Tartarus, you obsolete model bastard" Trunks smiled smugly, feeling that there's a silver lining to all this. He was finally going to see at least one of them get what's coming to them.

* * *

"You go to Hell" King Yemma smacked his judge hammer on the desk at Trunks, who stared up at him in shock.

17 snickered into his hand, barely keeping himself from falling on the floor with laughter.

"This must be a mistake!" Trunks yelped, trying to bargain his way out.

"There's no mistake here. You qualify for a trip to Hell" King Yemma insisted, looking at his file once more.

"What for? I've strived my entire life to be a good person! I took care of my mother and ailing grandparents ever since I was little, I donated my things to the needy, I saved old people and children from wreckage, I sacrificed myself to protect people from…well… from HIM!" he pointed at 17 accusingly, who shrugged it off like he accidentally ate the last slice of pie "There's absolutely nothing I could've done that could incriminate me-"

"You committed first degree murder" Yemma stopped his rant.

"Scuse me? On who?"

"Frieza"

"…"

Trunks felt at a loss for words. Was this a joke?

"Frieza was a heartless intergalactic dictator who destroyed planets and slaughtered millions, including his own kin!" Trunks defended himself, trying his best to explain the situation "He was barely a step above THIS guy!" he pointed at 17 again, who in the meantime started playing a game of paddle ball on the side. 17 hand-waved the accusations and kept playing, trying to stave off the boredom that Trunks' speech was inducing in him.

"Murder is still murder. You cannot go to Heaven given the circumstances" Yemma insisted.

"But that's insane! There's no way to stop someone like that in any other way! By this logic, everyone I know will go to Hell when they die!"

"Indeed, they will" Yemma nodded. 17 laughed again, missing the ball. Darn it, he was close to a new personal record.

"And you are going to join him" Yemma pointed at the cyborg who raised an eyebrow at him.

"What did my evil clone do this time?" 17 asked, sounding a little peeved.

"No, not your clone. YOU" he pointed at him, shaking his head disapprovingly at the commentary. Evil android clones…of all the terrible jokes…

"You killed your creator, dr. Gero" Yemma explained.

17 opened his mouth to object, but heard Trunks snicker from the back and decided against it.

"Alright, fine. Send me to Hell, whatever"

The giant ogre judge shook his head.

"Kids these days. You are all alike" he sighed.

17 and Trunks frowned at him in unison.

"Excuse me for my rudeness, but are you insane?!" Trunks erupted at him, his fists clenched by his side.

"Yes, how can you even insinuate that I have anything in common with this pansy?" 17 nodded, approving of the saiyan's comment.

Trunks narrowed his eyes at the statement, turning to face the cyborg.

"Oh, you're one to talk, girly boy!"

"This coming from the guy with long silky pink hair"

"It's _lavender_ , thank you very much"

"You _would_ be able to tell apart 15 different shades of pink, wouldn't you?" 17 smirked, cornering him.

Trunks grimaced, not knowing how to reply to that. He always thought about dying his hair anyway. Blue looks nice, right? Yea, he should try that when he got home. Still, he was not about to lose this argument.

"Colorblind? Oh, wait, my bad, of course you are, look at what you're wearing!" Trunks pointed at the mess of orange, green, blue, black and white, with a dash of a red logo for good measure.

"It's called –fashion-. Look it up before wearing your pajamas out in public" 17 replied eyeing the saiyan's spandex suit like it was an oversized ballerina costume.

"Still better than having a scarf that's trying to eat out my chest" Trunks didn't let go.

"Oh please, you WISH you had a fluffy comfy bandanna like mine" 17 smiled, twirling the end of the clothing article around his finger for emphasis.

Trunks bit his lower lip. Darn, the guy was right. He _did_ want one. He _will_ have one. _One day, that scarf will be his!_

"Yea, well, you still look like a girl." Trunks mumbled, feeling defeated. _You win this round, tin can, but the war will be mine!_

"IF you're done" Yemma interjected, feeling like this argument could go on forever if he didn't. "GO." He smacked his gavel against the desk, a trap door opening underneath them.

The 2 were taken by surprise as they fell through the floor all the way to the world below.

* * *

Trunks smacked face first into the reddish pink ground, taking a few seconds before he dared lift his face to look around. Truth be told, he was a little scared of the idea of seeing the horror that is Hell. He still remembered his mother's stories from when he was young: burning fires, demonic creatures, torture devices, flesh melting acid spewing forth from above…he'd rather just lie down and wait for it to be over.

He felt a poke on the top of his head and he looked at the source.

17 floated upside down above him, his arms crossed and his face full off disappointment.

"You do know you can FLY, right?" he told the saiyan who was still spitting out dirt.

Darn. He was losing face all day, wasn't he? It almost felt like he was back home.

He grabbed the cyborg by the shirt and threw him head on into the ground, burying him up to his ankles.

"You do know that I'm way stronger than you now, right?" Trunks retorted, feeling a bit better.

17 picked himself up, looking a bit surprised. When exactly did that happen? He realized the guy looked a little different since he'd last seen him, but it wasn't anything spectacular. He was slightly buffer and his hair was longer, but that seemed to be it. Did his hair give him super strength?

"Are you related to Samson?" 17 asked, getting a weird stare in return.

Trunks shook his head, feeling a migraine take over. He couldn't believe his world was being terrorized by this guy. He would probably hit himself in the face with an energy blast by mistake. Looking to the side, he noticed something was off.

"What is this place?" he asked, realizing they were in the middle of what looked like a theme park, complete with a blood fountain, evil looking carousel, a demonic roller coaster and blood and flesh themed snack food stands.

Hell became very commercialized over time, didn't it?

"This really isn't what I imagined Hell would be like" he grimaced, feeling both queasy and disappointed at the same time. He turned to look at his partner, who was sporting a smile as wide as his face. Of course HE would like this.

"I...I'll be right back. I need to test out the bumper cars" 17 whispered absently, entranced by the world around himself.

Trunks grabbed his arm, stopping him from leaving.

"As much as I would love for you to get lost and never show your face again, I fear there's more to this place than meets the eye." Trunks looked around, getting a bit nervous. Something didn't feel right, and it wasn't the pink blood gushing bunny mascots, either.

"Y- you! What are YOU doing here!?" they heard a familiar voice from the side, both of them frowning in unison at it.

Dr. Gero backed off, hiding something behind himself, looking nervous. He looked up at their heads and smiled, gaining back his composure. He started laughing maniacally, pointing at them.

"Oh, how the wheel has turned! I see my latest creation fixed my previous mistakes! Oh, it'll be grand seeing you spend eternity in here with me!"

17 closed his eyes, smirking.

"Yea, you might be right. I'm already starting to like it here. You know what the best part of it is?"

Dr. Gero looked a little flustered, not liking where this is going.

"I get to do THIS forever and ever" he answered his own question, kicking the doctor in the face and sending him flying like a football all the way into the blood fountain on the other side of the park.

Gero picked himself up, spitting out the tainted water from his mouth. That bastard...he was going to get what's coming to him when his latest invention was completed and the evil android clone was done…wait, where is it? He looked to his side, his eyes going wide. The open circuitry had filled with water, malfunctioning. Gero cursed loudly, smacking his arms against the water pool he sat in. Now he had to start all over again. This was going to set him back a couple of years. Damn it!

* * *

Trunks smiled. Maybe they did have something in common after all: a burning hatred of the same old bastard.

Just then, an ogre wearing a carnival employee outfit walked up to them, smiling.

"Ah, I see King Yemma sent you here as per my master's request! Please, come with me, he is waiting for you!" he said, gesturing for them to follow him.

They looked at each other and shrugged, deciding to do as they were told. Not like they had anything better to do. Well, 17 had a few rides he wanted to try, but _Trunks_ didn't have anything better to do. And he was going to be the one wearing the pants in this relation- err, _PARTNER_ ship.

They reached what looked like a public park. Multiple ogres seemed to be enjoying their time off around this place, lounging about and taking lunch breaks.

"My master will be here shortly." the ogre said, leaving them to wait for him there.

Trunks looked around, wondering who the 'master' he mentioned could be. What kind of creature would be in charge of Hell, anyway?

"Well, well, look what the cat dragged in" Frieza smiled, walking over to them.

17 looked at the short alien lizard thing with boredom and Trunks frowned.

"You…you look familiar" Trunks said, pointing at him and getting a shocked look in return.

"Oh, really? Might be because you're the one who KILLED ME, you stupid monkey!" Frieza got a little annoyed, his tail smacking the ground.

"But you look different…you're a lot less…metally than you used to be" Trunks mused, realizing why he hadn't recognized him.

"Yes, I was a cyborg when we first met. But this is my true form" the alien admitted.

17 felt a little self-conscious at this and began poking himself. He didn't feel any different.

"Wait a minute, you lost your machine parts upon dying? D…did I become human too?" he asked, a glint of hope in his eyes. He started an internal scan to see if it was true. The program still booted as always. Damn it. "False alarm, my bad."

"So why did you turn back to normal and not him?" Trunks asked, feeling a little perplexed.

Frieza shrugged.

"Don't ask me, I didn't make these stupid inconsistent rules"

"Wait, you weren't the one who summoned us here?" Trunks asked, realizing he was talking to the wrong person.

"Of course not, you fool! Do you think that if I were in charge, I'd let this place look like THIS?" the alien overlord retorted, feeling insulted.

"So, uh, who DID summon me here?" Trunks asked again, getting more and more confused.

"That would be me" he heard a new voice from the side. A tall, reddish intimidating demon walked up to them, looking quite pleased. This guy was new.

"My name is Dabura. Welcome to my humble domain. If you may, I would like to have a word with you" he bowed before the saiyan, then gestured with his head to the black haired cyborg behind him "You as well"

He took them to the side, Frieza listening in intently from behind a tree at what they were about to discuss. Maybe he could find a way out of this literal hellhole.

* * *

"I see King Yemma listened to my request of letting you keep your bodies and sending you to me" Dabura clasped his hands together satisfied.

Trunks smiled. "I knew this all had a purpose! I would never wind up in Hell by any other circumstance!"

"Actually, the 'killing rule' stays. You and all your friends will still go to Hell upon dying" Dabura added, raining on his parade. "that is, of course, unless something happens to me and the rules are revoked, but what are the odds of that" he added in a low voice to himself.

"Anyway" he continued "the reason I called you 2 here is because I need your help with something. You see, for the past few days I've noticed a strange creature on your planet that wants to destroy the very order of life itself"

"Yes, he's called Cell, we've been trying to stop him" Trunks interrupted him, guessing where this was going. He wanted him to go back and fight him, right?

"No, not that one. I mean another one"

If he wasn't already dead, Trunk felt like he might get a heart attack. ANOTHER ONE? How much bad luck could one person have in such a short amount of time?

"This one appears to be an alien sorcerer that goes by the name of Babidi. He landed on Earth a couple of days ago and is causing trouble. I already sent a couple of my minions to scout the area but they never came back. I fear he might use his powers to mess with my kingdom. At this rate, the entire afterlife will be in peril!"

Trunks let out a loud sigh of relief. Good, this was something totally different that wasn't in any way influenced by his actions!

"You don't know how happy I am to hear that…err, I mean, that's _awful_ , what can I do to help?" he turned it around at the last second, realizing how it all sounded to the demon lord.

"Well, this is where you come in. I heard a couple of powerful Earth warriors recently passed away and I asked Yemma to deliver them to me. I suppose you 2 are it?"

"Yes indeed, Red Guy. You're looking at the best of the best" 17 smiled, pointing at himself proudly.

Dabura pouted. "Well, you'll have to do. I will transport you there to take care of this menace before it gets out of control"

"You can count on us, your evil lordship" 17 answered with confidence.

"Whoa whoa, who's 'we'?" Trunks turned to him, feeling a tinge of indignation. "Since when are we together in all of this?"

17 looked up at him, faking a broken heart.

"I thought you liked my company, pink hair" he smiled at him, getting a gesture of repulsion from the saiyan.

"No, I don't. I never have and I never will. I hate you from the bottom of my heart. I hate you so much, I get an allergic reaction every time I'm near you or your sister!"

"You know, 'hate' is just another word for 'love'" 17 joked, the saiyan being one step away from lashing at his throat.

"You 2 make such a cute couple" Dabura chuckled, getting a pair of death glares thrown his way.

"What, me and this bastard? Do you know how much this guy has used and abused me throughout my entire life? I will see him and his sister in my nightmares for the rest of my life!" Trunks frowned, shaking 17 like a ragdoll for emphasis.

"Ok buddy, I don't want to know about your creepy wet dreams" 17 said, not bothering to free himself from the grip.

"Ah, I see your relationship is at a standstill" the demon chuckled again, thoroughly enjoying himself. This is even better than riding the caterpillar train! "I take it you're having a hard time choosing between them?"

"What's there to choose? The only way I can tell him and his sister apart is by their hair color!" Trunks pointed out, exasperated.

"Well, my eyebrows are thicker as well" 17 defended himself.

Trunks let go, feeling his nerves break. This was going nowhere fast. Why did the world hate him so much?

"Alright, I'm glad we had this talk" the demon lord smiled "But we are short on time. I will teleport you to the sorcerer's hideout, but you will have to complete the ritual in order for it to work. Now, hold hands"

The 2 looked at each other with wide eyes, then at him.

"Excuse me?" Trunks said, feeling a bit disgusted.

"You will need to follow my exact instructions or else the spell won't work" Dabura insisted, still smiling devilishly. "Now, hold hands".

Trunks reluctantly touched his hand against the cyborg next to him. He was already breaking out in hives, great. 17 rolled his eyes at him, mumbling for him to get this over with.

Frieza walked over to them, confused as to what was going on.

"Good, now, both hands" the demon added, getting another set of even deeper glares aimed at him. 17 didn't seem to care too much, but Trunks was panicking hard, his mind exploding with horrible images influenced by his trauma and the closeness of the encounter. He closed his eyes, trying to save himself from the pain. He grabbed the cyborgs' other arm, turning to face him. _Please, end this.  
_

Dabura nodded in approval.

"Fine, fine, now, lift one leg up in the air" he continued his instructions. This was getting ridiculous.

"What is this, some sort of fusion dance?" Frieza asked him in a low voice.

"Oh, trust me, they _WILL_ fuse by the time this day is over" Dabura's eyes glowed maliciously, barely containing his laughter, then turned over to the 2 young warriors still waiting for something to happen.

17 looked up at Trunks' face, completely unimpressed. This was embarrassing, but seeing the saiyan's crybaby expression was even worse.

"Now for the final part of the ritual. _Kiss_ " He told them, giggling like a fangirl.

Frieza looked up at him, them at the pair, them back at him. He didn't want to use this spell anymore.

"Is there no other way?!" Trunks cried literal tears, his eyes still closed.

"If you don't do this, everyone you love will die!" Dabura put some pressure on him, sounding very serious about it.

Trunks inhaled deeply. He will finish this quickly and go back to his family and friends and forget all about all this. He squeezed his eyes tightly and puckered up his lips, launching himself at the cyborg's face like he was a woodpecker at a tree.

17 stood still, his emotionless face not cracking one bit. He placed his hand over his mouth at the last second, getting the saiyan to smack his lips against his fingers.

"Alright, you had your fun, teleport us out already!" 17 told the demon lord, who nodded at him and clapped his hands, making them disappear.

The 2 hell residents stood there in complete silence for a few moments in front of the now empty space before them.

"Was all this nonsense really necessary?" Frieza finally asked in a low tone.

"Of course not!" Dabura smiled, a pleased look on his face.

* * *

The 2 landed in the middle of the desert, still holding hands. Trunks still had his lips glued to 17's hand, probably too out of it to notice.

17 gave him a few moments, then forced his hands away when he noticed he wasn't coming to his senses.

"Alright, stop trying to eat my face, you sad virgin plunger." He said calmly, pressing his face away from his, getting Trunks to finally open his eyes.

The saiyan recoiled in disgust, realizing what he had just done. He started spitting at his side, trying to get the taste of the non-existent kiss away from him.

"Calm down, tiger, your cherry stays un-popped for another day." 17 mocked him, showing him that he didn't actually do it.

Trunks breathed a sigh of relief. The cyborg saved him for a fate worse than the death he already experienced. He was so happy, he could kiss him!…wait, no, that came out wrong.

"Who are you people?" they heard a voice come from their side and they looked down at the source.

A yellow hairless bug eyed gerbil-creature about the height of a large dog (or one head taller than Chiaotzu) stood before them, frowning strongly. A couple of minions stood by his side, some of them looking like the ogres they saw earlier. They looked stone-faced and donned an "M" shaped tattoo on their foreheads.

This must be the guy they were looking for. Wait, how long has he been standing there, staring at their would be make-out session?

"It's not what it looks like" Trunks said flatly, hoping he didn't get the wrong idea about him. "I have a girlfriend!"

"No, no you don't" 17 corrected him, pointing out his terrible attempt at a kiss.

"You…who do you think you are, coming here before the great wizard Babidi?" the creature bellowed at them, ignoring their little lover's spat.

"The Lord of Hell sent us to stop you, fiend!" Trunks said, gaining back his composure. Finally, back to business.

"Get them, my minions!" Babidi yelled at the ogres by his side to attack.

The creatures did as instructed, charging at the pair, who hit them once and put them out of commission.

"M-master, these 2 are strong" a long-headed alien clad in black whispered to him from the side.

"Don't be foolish! These weaklings can't hope to face the power of my magic!" Babidi retorted confidently.

"Listen to the alien man. He knows what he's saying" 17 smiled. "You have before you the strongest fighter in the Universe". Everyone turned to stare at Trunks. "No, not him, ME!" 17 drew back their attention to himself, annoyed.

"Ha! A puny earthling like you can't possibly-" the taller alien was cut off as a blast of energy propelled him through the air, smacking him face first into a mountain.

"Like I said, strongest in the Universe" 17 smiled again, looking smug.

The yellow gerbil alien looked at him worriedly, realizing he had made a mistake. No matter, this was only a minor setback.

"Well, then, you won't mind lending me your strength as my MIND SLAVE!" Babidi laughed, starting a chant in an unknown language.

17's eyes widened a little, realizing that he may have fucked himself with his statement.

"What did you do, bucket brain?" Trunks berated him.

They watched the sorcerer wave his arms around, a strange colored aura encircling him. The alien fired the aura at him like an energy beam.

"Now you are mine!" he yelled, the wave closing in on him.

"Yea, don't think so" 17 said coldly, moving behind Trunks at the last second and using him as a meat shield.

The saiyan didn't even have time to register the situation before he was hit by the spell. He felt his mind being invaded, a cold malefic emotion washing over him, taking over his thoughts. He hollered in pain, clutching at his head.

17 backed off a little, curious as to what was about to happen.

Babidi looked furious. This was not how it was supposed to go! He wanted the stronger, not the weaker one!

Trunks finally stopped twitching, his body relaxing. He turned around slowly towards the cyborg. He too had an "M" symbol on his forehead now. His eyes looked bloodshot and he sported the most menacingly evil grin imaginable. This power… _this dark power_ …this could actually work in his favor…he cackled at him, straining to contain himself.

17 looked at him like a deer caught in headlights. He may have fucked himself even worse.

"You will have to do" Babidi groaned. The power boost the spell gave him should be enough. "Trash him!"

 _Oh, he WILL._

Trunks grabbed the surprised cyborg, smacking him repeatedly into the ground. He smashed into him like a tender piece of meat, barely stopping above tearing him to pieces. This felt great. This felt _cathartic_. If he knew it would go like this, he would've willingly given himself up to the forces of darkness a long time ago!

He laughed as he punched 17's face in, making sure to leave him a bloody mess.

The cyborg lost his footing, falling on the ground.

Babidi laughed. Seems like the spell was just enough to make the pink haired one catch up in strength to the other earthling. It even seemed to boost the evil inside him to enough lengths as to surpass the feelings of friendship he showed his partner! Good, things were going as planned. He will use this one as his main servant to awaken Buu and destroy the Universe.

Trunks picked 17 off the ground, holding him up by his shirt. He was bruised and battered and couldn't open one eye, but he was conscious.

"Well, I suppose this is where it ends, _strongest fighter_ " Babidi cackled, making a gesture for Trunks to finish him.

"I guess you're right" 17 answered back, using the last of his strength to fire an energy beam at the alien, frying him.

The spell shattered as Babidi lost control, the letter on Trunks' forehead disappearing. 17 breathed a sigh of relief. It was over. Wait, why wasn't Trunks letting go? He looked up at the fighter, who still smiled evilly at him. He smacked him into the ground a few times before he released him, stepping on his head staunchly.

17 held his aching head, his circuits and organic parts damaged by the impact.

"I thought the spell broke!" 17 said, groaning in pain.

Trunks looked at him innocently.

"Oh, yea, it broke, like…" He smacked him once more for good measure. "Now, now it did"

17 looked up at him with his good eye in annoyance, but also a tinge of pride.

The boy was learning.

Maybe there was some hope for him after all.

He managed to pick himself off the floor, checking to see if his teeth were still there. He got lucky.

* * *

Dabura sighed, looking at the events unfold from the Hell's View crystal ball. They didn't even bother finishing off the sorcerer. The guy was already back on his feet, running away from them.

"Never send a human to do a demon's job, I suppose" he shook his head. He will have to take care of this himself.

He teleported the pair back to Hell and left.

* * *

The 2 looked at the Earth from the crystal ball.

"Well, I guess it's mission accomplished. What do we do from here?" 17 asked, spitting a little blood.

"We need to go fight Cell. If we're lucky, we might still make it in time" Trunks said, remembering the problem at hand. He had to find the demon lord and ask for another chance.

"And rescue my sister" 17 added.

"Hell no!" Trunks spat back, preparing to search for the missing demon. Where did he go, anyway?

Just then, an energy field appeared underneath him. What was going on? He looked at the scene unfolding in the crystal ball. The sky turned dark all of a sudden and a giant green dragon appeared from the clouds. Shenlong! The fight was over, Goku won!

Trunks smiled, realizing what was going on. He was being revived! Hallelujah, his ordeal was finally going to end!

He turned to the cyborg in front of him, smiling.

"I suppose this is goodbye, 17. Not that it hasn't been fun, but knowing that you'll rot in Hell forever while I go back to my loved ones is the best thing I could ever wish for. Today might just be the greatest day of my life" Trunks said truthfully. This was going to be their last conversation. He started fading away, his halo dissipating into thin air.

17 looked very much OK with this. Actually, he seemed _happy_. Did he hit his head too many times? What was going on?

"It's fine. We'll be seeing each other again soon enough." The cyborg said as he too glowed the same golden glow.

 _NO._

"Guess we both got wished back, huh? Someone out there loves me" 17 grinned as he started fading away as well.

 _NO NO NO NO!_

"See you on the other side, _partner_ " 17 saluted him as he disappeared.

Trunks felt tears stinging his eyes. Today was the worst day of his life.


	7. In which 17 goes to the zoo

In which 17 goes to the zoo

* * *

They went over a hurdle and the car creaked from every hinge and axis. This thing didn't have a lot of life left in it, she mused, looking out the window at the country road they were trudging on. Why did 17 like to challenge himself and her nerves by taking this sad pile of a delivery van down paths it was obviously never meant to go?

16 drew closer, looking out the window next to her. The scenery was beautiful. The untapped forest to their left and the creek to their right glistened in the morning sky. It all felt so serene…and the birds, the birds he came to love so strongly...they were...honking?

16 jumped at the wheel, elbowing 17 out of the way and pushing his foot over the break. The car screeched to a halt in the middle of the road with a loud wail as the sudden and forced effort upon its tired system finally put it out of commission. 18 was jostled in place, shaking like a bobble head doll. Good thing she wore a seatbelt.

17 smacked his head against the windshield, breaking through it and falling half-way out onto the hood of the car. He should've worn a seatbelt.

It took a few seconds for the twins to come to their senses and realize what just happened. What possessed 16 to do this?

More honking. 17 looked down in front of himself. A mama goose and her flock of little ones passed by, completely oblivious to the fact that they were almost made roadkill by the large pink vehicle before them.

16 pulled the hand break silently, turned off the engine and got out, proceeding to shoo the feathered family off the road to safety. 17 and 18 stared at him in complete silence, knowing that getting mad over any of this was futile. They got out of the car to check the damage 16's little rescue action did to their transportation system.

The engine gave out a loud shriek before going to the Great Machine Heaven in the Sky. 17 clasped his hands together in a praying gesture. The poor thing tried its best and it will be remembered for it. They stared at it for a few minutes before 17 kicked a tire, making it fall on its side.

"Well, that's that, let's find a repair shop!" he stated flatly.

* * *

The skinny young man got out from under the vehicle, his face covered in oil. He rubbed it off and spat to the side. Today felt like a slow, average day at their tiny countryside gas station. He lifted his hat and froze, seeing a large, green clad man carry a broken down pink delivery van in his arms, one girl relaxing on top of the car and a guy behind the useless steering wheel beeping at passing vehicles to clear their way.

The strange trio walked into the station, the giant man carelessly dropping the car in front of him, making the rest of its remaining tires pop out like champagne corks and the metal casing bend at all corners.

The young mechanic stared at the scene in disbelief, completely dumbstruck. Nothing seemed to make sense anymore.

The dark haired teen got out from inside the car nonchalantly, closing the door behind him. It too fell to the ground with a loud 'thud'. He walked up to the taller station employee and batted his cheek to snap him out of his daze, then handed him the keys.

"Make it shine, bright eyes" he said, handing him a crumpled up bill from his pocket. The guy looked down at his hand. It wouldn't even cover the cost of a rear-view mirror.

* * *

A whole day…what were they going to do for a whole day?

They walked by the side of the road, kicking up rubble.

"Here's a thought. How about we fly over to Goku's house, kill him and fly back to pick up your toy? I think we have plenty of time" 18 interjected, making 17 groan. Women…they just didn't get it, did they?

"I support this statement" 16 added, ganging up on him. "Our top priority is killing Goku, time is of the essence"

17 hand-waved their jabbering aside. Goku can wait. Not like he was dying of a heart disease or anything, they had plenty of time.

He looked up at a large sign in front of them and smiled.

"How about we go to the zoo?" he turned to the others, gesturing for the sign like he was making a sales pitch.

18 crossed her arms, unamused. How old did he think she was, getting excited to visit the zoo? Ok, maybe she _WAS_ a little bit interested.

"Will it have birds?" 16 said in his typical monotone voice, brushing past her to read it.

"Indeed it will, big guy." 17 nodded proudly. 16 smiled at him warmly. Best decision he made the entire day.

* * *

The zoo was surprisingly popular, given the off road location it was at. There were plenty of people standing in line to get in, mostly families with small children. They had a long time to wait, time they didn't feel like wasting there. 17 gestured for the group to move past the annoyed crowd to the front of the line, by the turnstiles. 16 had to walk in an uncomfortable bent over position, since his head would poke through the entrance way canopy.

They were about to pass through when a security guard gestured for them to stop.

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to follow the rules and go back to your place" he gestured, pointing at a billboard that listed prices and priority entrances. 17 walked up to it, curious. It stated that families with toddlers, the elderly, and people with disabilities were exempt from waiting and entrance fees.

He started stroking his chin, wondering if they could trick their way in without causing too much ruckus. After all, if they started killing guards and employees left and right it would cause a riot, which ruined the whole experience. They needed to go in incognito.

They had no babies with them (despite 18 calling him one all the time). He knew he couldn't fool the guard that easily. Maybe they could dress 16 up and pretend he was their grandmother? Yea, that could work.

18 walked up behind him, grabbing him by the shoulders and poking her head in. He frowned and turned to look at her. She sported an unnaturally sensitive face, tears threatening to erupt from her eyes. It creeped him out.

"I understand what you mean sir, I wouldn't break the rules on any other occasion, but today is special for us" she told the security guard, who was also taken aback by her sudden change in demeanor. "You see," she continued undeterred "we are a family and my little sister here really loves nature" she pulled 17 closer to the guard to make him look him in the eye "she really wanted to see the animals and we can't come back on any other day". 17 narrowed his eyes at her but quickly adapted to the situation. He too put on a sweet, sad face and looked up at him like he was about to cry.

"Why not?" the guard asked, getting a bit worried by their emotional state.

"My sister has a terminal disease" 18 answered him, sounding very honest about it "the doctor says she won't make it. This was her final request before we have to go back to the hospital". 17 nodded at him, making a promise internally to get her back for this.

"Is your sister really in no condition to wait in line?" the guard sounded skeptical about the whole story.

18 grabbed her 'sister's' hand and make the guard touch it. "She doesn't have much left". The guard jumped a little. The young one's hand did feel unnaturally cold. Looking closer, 'she' did look rather anemic, 'her' eyes a very strange off-color blue as well.

"I did not know you were sick." 16 said innocently but was cut off by 18 stepping on his foot. He sort of understood her prompt and tried to save face "That would explain a lot of things. I am truly sorry".

The guard bit back a tear trying to stream down his face. What a sad story!

He used his keycard to open up the turnstiles and gestured for 17 to walk past. 18 smiled in satisfaction and took 16's hand, walking behind him. The guard went in between them, gesturing for the 2 to stop.

"Only the sick one gets in for free. You have to go back to the end of the line" he said, pointing at the angry and bickering people waiting behind them.

17 tapped him on the shoulder from the other side.

"It's fine, they too have a terminal disease"

* * *

They picked up the pace, walking up to the central alleyway to look at the park map. 16 had caught his burly shins on the bars and left with the entire gating machine in tow. Now they had to make a break for it before the guards found them.

"So, where do you want to go first, big guy?" 17 asked him.

"I want to see the flamingos" 16 answered on the spot.

"Should've known" 17 smiled at him. "How about we hit the monkeys then?" he told 18.

"I already did, he's off sulking somewhere right about now" 18 smiled, getting a little chuckle in return.

"Let's go see the lions then" 17 took her by the hand and started walking away. "Think you can handle yourself, 16?" he turned to the green clad man who nodded.

"Affirmative, I have a failsafe mechanism in case of system malfunction" he answered confidently, the twins eyeing each other and shrugging.

The group split up, each going to their preferred destination, 16 still dragging the metal bars around his foot across the pavement with an audible screech.

* * *

They looked at the felines lazily yawning inside their pen. Lions weren't as ferocious as he imagined. Life in captivity removed all the aggressiveness from their system, making them just overgrown, smelly house cats. He almost felt sorry for the poor tamed creatures. Bet they can't even bite.

"Hey 18, watch this!" he smiled, jumping the fence to land inside the pit where the animals laid about. The lions woke up, surprised by the sudden encroacher on their property and started circling him cautiously.

"Take a picture of me fighting the lions! I want to keep it for posterity!" he said, his arms wide open, waiting for the animals to attack him.

18 rolled her eyes at him as a bunch of people ran up to the railings, shocked at the young man's dangerous actions. A couple of women started frantically searching for the animal keepers to come rescue him while a group of teens elbowed each other snickering, waiting for something exciting to happen.

"18, come on!" he said from inside the pit, noticing she wasn't paying attention to him. "Nature won't wait on you forever!" he said as the lions started growling angrily.

18 snatched a camera from a little boy's hands and pointed it at him.

"Fine then, let's see you get shredded" she smirked, taking a few pictures.

17 got into a fighting position, waiting for a large male lion to jump at him. The animal came up to him slowly and started smelling him from all sides. It scrunched its face and started walking away.

17 stared in shock at the retreating animal as 18 started laughing from above.

"What, am I not good enough for you?" 17 pointed at the animal like it was a lover's quarrel.

The animal raised its head and tail in the air defiantly, ignoring him.

"I think you just got rejected" she managed between fits of laughter "face it, you're not even suitable to be a crazy cat person!"

17 wasn't about to take 'no' for an answer. Not from a beast, anyway. He grabbed the animal in a chokehold and forced its mouth open, placing his own head inside.

"My god! He's being eaten alive!" a woman in the crowd yelled, completely misunderstanding the situation.

"See? Not that hard. 18, take a picture of us!" he turned to her as she shook her head at his sad display of "manliness" and prepared to snap a few shots.

She was knocked aside before she managed to by a pair of zoo attendants who pushed the crowd out of the way as they jumped into the enclosure and forcefully removed 17's head from inside the animal's mouth, much to his dismay.

They shot a few warning shots in the air and used a taser to scare the large beast away as one of the guys grabbed a disappointed 17 and backed away, lifting him with great difficulty to a third attendant at the top of the pit. The young man was surprisingly heavy for such a lanky frame.

"You're safe now" the third guy smiled at him kindly, checking him for wounds. "You don't have to worry anymore; the animals won't harm you". The people cheered, happy that a disaster was avoided. 18 still snorted into her hand from the side, trying to keep herself from breaking out into an inappropriate fit of laughter.

17 narrowed his eyes at him, clenching his fists. He didn't WANT to be saved!

Oh well, at least they still had the pictures, right?

The little boy came back, holding hands with a giant burly woman with tiny pigtails on top of her large flat head and pointed at 18, who froze in place.

"Mommy, that's the mean woman who took my camera!" he cried. The woman growled, showing off her crooked teeth at her and extended her huge hand (which was bigger than 18's head) at her. 18 instinctively handed over the camera without even looking up. The hulking she-beast nodded in approval and pulled the child along, stomping her way out of the area.

It took the female cyborg a few seconds to register what just happened.

"Let's get out of here" she picked a distraught 17 off the ground and dragged him to a different enclosure before they got pulled aside for interrogation over the incident.

* * *

They reached the dolphin enclosure. The animals resided in a large pool, the visiting area being mostly underneath the see-through bowl the animals swam in. They looked at the sleek creatures dive around them, performing majestic acrobatic tricks for the pleasure of the viewing public.

"You know, they say dolphins are the smartest animals on Earth" 17 said, smiling at them.

"Oh really? What's 2+2?" she asked the animal before her in a rhetorical way. 17 was preparing to say it doesn't work like that when they noticed one of the creatures push its nose against the window and write "4" on it with the tip, leaving them in shock.

"Well, I guess you got your answer, huh, 18?" he smirked, raising his hand at the dolphin in a high-5 gesture.

"Oh please! They're just stupid animals, they can't possibly understand-" she was cut off as a splash of water hit her face, the animal's tail smacking about on the surface before swimming back down to her level. 17 and the dolphin let out a similar sounding laugh at her wet face completely covered by her flattened out blonde hair.

She pulled the wet hair from her eyes, a menacing smirk tugging at her lips. The 2 backed away from her, giving her some space. 18 walked up to the glass, sticking her face against it to look the animal in the eye.

"You think you're so clever, don't you? You're only brave because you know I can't come get you in there. I'd love to see you try to pull that stunt out here!" she growled, tapping on the glass impatiently. She didn't even realize she was putting a bit too much force into it as the glass began to crack and the water flooded out, taking everyone with it and throwing the dolphins on land.

The zoo attendants ran over to save the visitors (and the animals too this time) for a second time that day.

The twins took advantage of the confusion to tip toe their way out of the picture.

* * *

They walked around, trying their best to avoid causing any more trouble. It didn't go as planned.

17 nearly killed a monkey by throwing bananas full force at them. It bent several bars on the cage and got a guard to whistle at him to stop.

18 singed a porcupine's quills off with an energy blast when 17 surprised her by having the animal 'kiss' her cheek when she wasn't looking. He placed the traumatized animal back in its enclosure and they made a run for it. He returned a short while later and tied an upside-down brush to its back as compensation.

17 chased a disgusted 18 around with a large python around his neck before the animal had enough and tried to strangle him. Several attempts later, the animal gave up and 17 released the creature out of sheer pity. It slithered off to terrorize other visitors.

18 tried to stow away a few chinchillas inside her skirt pocket. She argued that their fur was some of the best around for making quality hats. She dropped them when the guard caught up to the pair, never releasing the whistle from his mouth.

They played tic-tac-toe on the side of one of the elephants and 17 used a giraffe as a slide. 18 left a peacock without a tail after removing the feathers to make a fetching headdress out of it.

They were finally cornered by the guards and blacklisted.

* * *

They walked out of the zoo, defeated. It had to happen eventually. At least they didn't get fined for any of this, though they assumed it was because everyone just wanted them to get as far away from the place as fast as possible. The sun was already setting. Oh well, they should be making their way back to the repair shop anyway.

As they reached the gate, they both made a startling realization and looked at each other worriedly.

 _Where's 16?_

* * *

Then ran back in, hearing a couple of people call for security. Apparently, a large man had walked into the flamingo pen and wasn't coming out.

They found him in the middle of the enclosure, completely covered in large pink birds and smelling dubiously. 18 held her nose as 17 giggled in amusement. They saw the guards coming up to arrest him and tried to help him leave.

"Come on, 16, let's go buddy" 17 grabbed his arm, trying to pull him away, but he wouldn't budge.

"I cannot leave. The birds are nesting" he said flatly, staying as still as possible.

"Yea, they're nesting on YOU. Come on, before the guards catch you" 18 added, grabbing his other arm.

"I refuse to go. They need me." 16 insisted as both of them pulled as hard as they could to try to get him to run away with them before it was too late.

"If we don't go, they'll hurt your flamingos. You don't want that, do you, big guy?" 17 added, knowing what got to him.

16's eyes widened a little, realizing he was right. He lifted his arms, pulling both the smaller cyborgs upwards with him. He flew up into the sky like a rocket ship, still covered in birds, leaving the guards behind to stare after him with their mouth agape.

They flew a good distance before 16 decided to land next to a lake. He placed all the birds by the water's side, making sure they were safe, before turning to his baffled companions, who were still attached to his arms like cats to a curtain. He smiled at them heartily.

"The flamingos are unharmed" he reported before shaking them off.

* * *

They finally reached the gas station after closing time as the guy was waiting for them next to the van. It was still battered beyond belief, just like they left it. 17 frowned at him. Is this what they wasted a whole day on?

"I don't see it fixed" he tapped his foot on the ground, his arms on his hips.

"This car is beyond fixing" the mechanic replied, equally annoyed "besides, you didn't pay me nearly enough for all the parts needed-" 17 cut him off as he covered his mouth with his hand, listening in to the sounds on the road to their left.

They heard the sirens of cop cars in the distance. Guess the zoo employees had enough of them and called the police. This'll have to be resolved later, they had to get out of there fast.

"Can we finally fly now?" 18 asked, a little annoyed. How bad did the situation have to get before 17 let his stupid driving obsession be?

17 tapped his chin, deep in thought for a few moments, before he smiled at her.

"Alright, I guess we can." he told her, pushing her inside the car to her seat, closing the door behind her. She stared out the window, confused, as 17 whispered something in 16's ear and got into the driver's seat next to her.

"Let's go, 16." he said, putting on his seat belt for the first time as 16 picked up the car and spun it around like a Frisbee, throwing it ahead of himself with all his strength. He kept one hand attached to the side of the car and got dragged along by the sheer force of the action. The car launched itself into the air like a plane, taking the trio on a wild ride through the clouds. 17 adjusted the side mirror, pleased, as 18 finally gave up and let him be, letting out an audible groan and throwing her feet up on the dashboard. 16 climbed up on top on the car, waving at birds as they passed by.

"Next stop, Goku's house!" 17 declared merrily, pointing on ahead of them.


	8. In which 17 helps out an old lady

In which 17 helps out an old lady

* * *

17 walked up the rows, looking at his checklist. Tomatoes, carrots, salad…he had almost everything he needed. He felt like this was such a needless activity for him, though. His body rarely needed sustenance and he would rather binge on junk food than healthy organic alternatives. But he knew his human family needed them and he was supposed to be a responsible adult or whatever so he had no choice but put up with shopping at the farmer's market every weekend.

He picked up a shiny red apple and looked at it from all sides. It seemed to have a large blemish on its left side, what a pity. He was about to try bargaining for it when he felt someone bump into him from behind, causing him to drop the apple on the ground right on the rotten side, splattering juice all over his shoes.

He turned around to tell the person a few words of wisdom when he felt his cheeks being grabbed forcefully and his face pulled in closer to theirs.

"Sweetie! There you are! I've been looking everywhere for you!" the sweet wrinkly old lady told him cheerfully, hugging him with all her might. She seemed to have quite a bit of strength for someone well into their 60's.

17 felt like he was missing some information in all of this. Who is this person? What did she want from him?

"I have already donated to charity this year, I don't want to join any cults and I'm not signing any petition to make our dog president take action to save small countryside dinosaur ranches" he told her, anticipating all the possible pitches she may have.

She looked at him quizzically and laughed.

"Oh, honey, you're such a kidder, as always! Let's go home!" she tried to pull him by the arm, but he didn't budge an inch, his feet firmly planted on the ground.

17 felt even more confused. What was she talking about?

"Alright, alright, easy there" a farmer walked up to them, releasing 17 from her grip. He turned the old woman around and looked at her kindly, speaking in a soft friendly voice "he's not your son, you can let go now"

The woman seemed to have a revelation at this and her mood suddenly shifted. Her smile fell and she looked back at 17 who still didn't know what was going on. She bit back a tear, looking down.

"Oh, I…I'm sorry for causing you trouble, sir" she said, walking away slowly, pulling out a photo from inside her bag and looking at it with sorrow.

They watched her disappear as she turned a corner at the end of the row, where she stopped stiffly and ran up to a different person and jumped at him, just like she did to 17.

"Don't mind her. She's well known around these parts. She keeps confusing random strangers for her family. She's been doing this for many years now. We think she has dementia, but she refuses to get herself checked in. Don't take it personally, please, she's not a bad person" the farmer explained.

17 didn't really care about these people's problems, but he did know how awful it is to just lose all your memories and have no control over it. In that sense, he did pity her and he wished she'd find her inner peace someday.

Right now, though, he had a shopping list to focus on.

* * *

Celery. Celery was all he was missing now. He frowned.

 _Who eats celery?_

None of _HIS_ kids, that's for sure.

He was so deep in thought over the proper nutritional value of vegetables that he wasn't even looking where he was going. He bumped into her again. When did she get in front of him? Did she just run around the entire market aimlessly?

She looked up at him, her eyes having a different shine than before. She seemed to be aware of herself now, acting far more mild-mannered and withdrawn than she did earlier. Almost like a different person, he mused.

"Excuse me young lad, but did you happen to see my children?" she asked him, rummaging through her bag for the photo. "Oh dear, where did I put my glasses?" she said to herself, still searching through every pocket.

"No, I haven't seen them" 17 brushed her aside, refusing to amuse her any longer. She was getting rather annoying.

"Young man, can you please help me find my glasses? I can't see a thing without them" she pulled his sleeve, trying to get his attention again.

17 sighed, but decided to oblige her. On one condition.

"Alright, but after we find them, you're going to leave me alone, got it?" he pointed at her with all seriousness and she smiled, nodding at him.

Now, this is the part where he would run around frantically, bent over to search the ground, his posterior raised comically in the air as he did his best hound dog impression. But then again, he was part machine and equipped with a high-speed scanning device that allowed him to locate and home in on his desired target, so none of that happened.

He rarely used this function since it interfered with his vision, but this time he just wanted it to be over and done with. He booted up the program with his mind, his pupils going red and filtering the sights around himself, reducing all objects and people on a 5-mile radius to blue polygon shapes in order to simplify the search. He looked around until his sensors picked up an object fitting her description on the other side of the road.

He took granny's hand as he started walking briskly towards it, taking care not to use his usual superhuman 'power walk' (which for him was still a snail's pace) since it would probably break her legs trying to keep up.

The time it took him to get to the crosswalk, to wait out the stop light and get to the other side like a normal person, the glasses were already gone. He should've just dashed over like the Mach 10 powered cyborg that he was. But then again, he still had an old lady attached to his arm. Darn it all. This right here is why he refused to do escort missions.

He followed their trail. It seems the glasses got accidentally kicked out into traffic and caught on the side bars of an oil truck.

He wouldn't be able to catch up to it by simply walking. He picked up the old woman in his arms, taking her by surprise. He pushed his foot into the ground, tearing up a hole in the concrete below as he launched himself and his travel partner towards the truck, landing on top of it with a loud thud.

The driver was shocked to see a head lower itself from above to his windshield level, knocking on it like an unwanted solicitor.

"Hey, I need you to hold onto this for a minute" he told the driver who didn't even have time to react before the cyborg retracted his head and threw open the side door, placing an astounded old lady in the seat next to his and closing it up again.

The driver and woman stared after him bewilderedly as he disappeared without a sound, somehow moving next to the car's side without holding onto anything, mid-traffic, at 90 miles an hour.

A few seconds passed before the driver came to and scowled. He turned to look at his guest.

"W-who in blazes was THAT?"

The old lady smiled brightly, her eyes gazing far into the distance and her mood lightening again.

"Oh, that's just my son. He's such a caring boy, isn't he?"

* * *

17 climbed under the car, moving along the metal plaque by his arms like a gecko. One wrong move and he'd scrape his back against the pavement and ruin his shirt. He'd also probably forcibly stop the truck in its place, making it flip over and crash into incoming traffic. His shirt was brand new though, so he had to be careful.

He reached the tailpipe and extended his arm towards the glasses stuck inside by their temple. He couldn't quite grab them, his fingers barely scraping against the frame. He could push himself forward some more, but he felt confident in his reach. He pinched his fingers against the exhaust pipe making them pop out immediately.

 _Success._

Unfortunately, he squeezed too hard and shut the pipe altogether, causing the pressure to build up and explode, taking the entire back end of the truck with it.

 _Uh oh._

17 grimaced a little as he realized he may have done a bad thing. He climbed back out and jumped on top of the truck's hood, startling the already on edge driver even more. He squatted down and tapped on the windshield, gesturing for the driver to pull over, showing him the object he retrieved.

Just then, the pipe let out a loud wail, the car going out of control as the rest of the hinges gave way.

The trucker hit the breaks as hard as he could, making the vehicle's parts start to fall apart like dominos. All end tires popped off and the truck screened to its side, toppling over in the middle of a curve and crashing into the office building ahead.

The explosion stopped all traffic in the area, panicked citizens scrambling to call the police and fire fighters to contain the disaster.

* * *

17 floated above the wreckage, holding one frightened human under each arm and the rims by a temple in his mouth.

 _Mission successful. The glasses are safe._

He placed the people down gently by the side of the road. The driver fell to his knees, sobbing in both shock and desperation as he watched the truck go up in flames. His belongings, his job…all gone. He looked up at the cyborg in front of him with grief. What was he going to do now?

17 gave him a thumbs up in approval. Things went smoother than usual.

Now, he just had to return these damned things to their owner and go home.

Just as he was thinking this, he got run over by a speeding firetruck that was hurrying to come put out the fire HE caused (in an ironic retaliation from karma). He was taken along for a ride as the glasses went flying from his hand and landed inside a large sack sitting by the trunk of a car on the other side of the road. A group of workers that didn't notice what happened tied up and threw the sack inside the delivery van to be taken to the city harbor.

17 sat on the front side of the car like a tasteless hood ornament, frowning and crossing his arms. Today was one of those days.

He jumped off the front of the firetruck and went back to pick up the woman, who in the meantime had turned to the disgruntled driver to ask him if he was her daughter, and hoisted her in his arms again.

"Stop! Who are you! Put me down!" she fought him, hitting him on the head with her handbag repeatedly.

His deadpan expression never cracked as he looked away in the distance, completely ignoring her struggling. He started scanning for the glasses again and picked up a trail heading for the north peer on the other side of town. They were already pretty far away.

The old lady shrieked as he flew to the location on his radar, the wind blowing strongly against her hair and dress. He landed by what looked like an abandoned warehouse.

 _Well, that usually spells disaster._

Why did they deliver the bags to an abandoned warehouse in the first place? A lifetime of experience gave him a few reasons though.

He gestured for the still squirming woman to shush it and tip toed inside, alone, as quietly as he could, glancing from behind a stack of dusty crates.

Sure enough, there was something dubious going on. A group of shady looking individuals were conducting business trades of the criminal variety inside, all stacked to the teeth with heavy weaponry and what looked like cocaine packs.

Great, illegal drug trafficking. Cross that off his list of things he didn't get involved with this week.

 _Good thing it's a Sunday._

He sighed and started walking towards the group. The mafia turned in the direction of the approaching figure, all guns instantly aiming at him. One of the better dressed guys who seemed to hold a position of authority gestured for them to hold off on shooting him. Alright, he was his guy in case shit went wild.

"Da hell is this kid doing here?" one of the thugs said, surprised at his sudden appearance and casual demeanor. "He don't look like a cop…" he mused, rubbing his chin in thought as 17 walked by.

"Actually, I'm a park ranger" he stated flatly, a fit of laughter erupting throughout the room. The kid was funny, give him that.

And also really ballsy, considering that he started rummaging through their sacks of money with a dozen machine guns and pistols aimed at his head. He dumped several on the floor, completely ignoring the wad of bills flying throughout the room. What was he after? The cocaine was right there…

The glasses were in the 4th bag and fell to the floor with a clank. Good, they were still in one piece somehow. 17 smiled and picked them up, showing them off to his companions and placing them in his jeans back pocket, then started making his way back towards the entrance.

 _That went smoothly._

"Where do you think you're going, brat?" the guy from before poked him in the back with the end of the loaded gun.

 _Me and my big fat inside monologue._

"I found what I'm looking for, so I'll be on my way" he said calmly, gesturing for the glasses sticking out of his pocket and showing them his empty hands. He didn't care about their money or their drugs.

"You really think we'd just let you waltz your way out of here after everything you've done?" the guy growled at him, getting a little annoyed by his cocky attitude. Did he not realize how close he was flirting with death? "I'm not gonna let a scrawny puke like you rat on us to the fuzz!"

17 chuckled a little.

"Making a lot of assumptions about my moral alignment right now. Besides, even if I did decide to tell on you, I think the police would arrest me on sight before even listening to me."

The criminals frowned at each other, feeling like he was telling the truth. They were still skeptical of him, though. He might be dangerous and he meddled into affairs that didn't concern him. He had to be made an example of.

"Waste him" the Mafioso from earlier gestured for his men to shoot him and 17 smirked confidently. They were in for a surprise.

Just then, another guy busted in, interrupting them and dragging an old woman forcefully by the arm.

 _Oh, goddammit, not now._

"Hey boss, we found her loitering outside. Think they're together?" he smirked, making a double entendre with that statement. 17 scowled internally, but it didn't break through his usual impassive expression.

"Let go of my child right now, he's very sensitive!" she screamed, appearing to have lost it again. She elbowed the guy in the gut, knocking the wind out of him and making him drop her. She ran up to 17, hugging him.

"It's ok, baby, they won't hurt you while I'm around" she cooed him, getting a couple of surprised looks her way and also a couple of guns cocked at her back. If 17 was in any way emotional, he'd be blushing right now.

"She's not with me" he told them flatly, trying to save face.

She was saddened by this, making a dejected expression.

"I-I know honey. I'm always embarrassing you…you and your sister both. This is why you left in the first place, wasn't it? Because you couldn't stand me…your father will say that too when I get home…oh, wait, he's not around anymore, is he?" she said in a low voice, drifting between normalcy and insanity.

This woman has been through a lot, he mused.

"But it's fine. Now that you're back, even for this long, I'm happy. I'm so sorry for every way in which I wronged you both. I love you" she said truthfully, tears streaming down her face. 17 looked to the side, patting her back to calm her down. This wasn't the time or place for an emotional breakdown.

"It's alright, I forgive you" he tried to play the role, getting her to calm down.

Everyone turned to look at the Mafioso from earlier, who was stroking his chin in amusement.

"Touching" he said, chuckling. "I'm so moved I might just let you go"

 _Oh, really? That's so great, I'm sure you're not gonna backpedal or anything._

"Really, _you would_?" 17 said trying to sound hopeful, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"I could, but I'm not going to. Kill them both." the man laughed heartily, gesturing for his minions to shoot them.

 _Gee, didn't see THAT coming._

"See, this is why I don't associate with your lot anymore. You're so predictable." he shrugged, throwing the woman into the air just as the criminals pressed their triggers.

The guns fired at him, the bullets squashing against his body like flies on a wall, shocking his attackers.

He dashed their way, throwing one roundhouse kick ahead of himself and sweeping the group off their feet with the whirlwind. He proceeded to jump in the middle of them, his fists clenched.

* * *

By the time the lady responded to the laws of gravity and fell back down, the drug dealers were all floored, many of them hurled through the shabby wooden walls of the old building and floating on the ocean surface.

He caught her gently and made his way out the front door, leaving behind a pile of bruised bodies and a ton of cocaine. He slammed it shut behind himself with his foot, the door and remaining walls of the warehouse falling on top of each other like a stack of playing cards.

* * *

He reached the market where it all started. He never let her go from his arms until he was certain there was nothing that could go wrong anymore. He checked around himself for people or fallen objects (like a comically misplaced banana peel) he could trip on.

 _Safe._

He finally put her down next to a park bench. She seemed restless, she was probably aware of herself again.

"Here are your glasses, ma'am" he told her, pulling them out of his back pocket. Still undamaged somehow. Thank god, his ordeal was over.

She smiled at him sweetly.

"Thank you, young man. I'm so sorry for troubling you like this."

She looked through her purse for money to repay him with when she came across her photo. She got that look again and stared at him like it was the first time they met.

"Hello young man, nice to meet you! Could you please tell me if you've seen my children? They're lost and must be frightened!" she asked him, shoving her photo in his face.

He pulled away, wanting to tell her to knock it off already, but froze when he saw the image.

 _It was them._

This old, worn photo…there was no mistaking it.

It was him and 18 at an amusement park, smiling at the camera, him with cotton candy in his hand and her with a large stuffed animal under her arm that she must've won from a stand. Even with the washed out colors and bent edges, the image was clear. They still looked exactly the same as ever, even though their eyes were green and their faces showed a lot more emotion than they did now.

"This picture…" he said, his voice low. He couldn't finish his sentence, he felt so lost. It was all very bitter.

"I-I'm sorry, this is the last photo I have of them. They went missing over 20 years ago…" she said truthfully, her head down. "I've been searching for them ever since, but nobody seems to know where they went. If you've seen anyone that resembles them, please, tell me."

He stared at it in silence for a few moments.

He handed her back the photo.

"I can't say that I've seen them." he told her in all seriousness.

"Oh, I see...well, if you could be so kind, could I have my glasses back?" she added, gesturing for the object in his hand.

He abruptly closed his fist, crushing them instantly, bits and pieces falling all over the ground.

"I'm afraid they're broken" he said flatly, placing the remains in her palm. She held them with care, looking disappointed.

"Go home and let it be. They're not coming back anymore" he told her coldly.

She seemed saddened by this, but wasn't surprised. So many people told her this before, she was used to hearing it by now.

"Stay safe" he added softly before turning his back to her, leaving to pick up his forgotten grocery bag off the ground which still laid untouched where he left it, even after all this time. He threw the bag over his shoulder and started walking away towards his own home in the woods.

She stared down at her broken glasses and put them on. There was almost nothing left of them but a small bit of window clinging to the left rim.

She lifted her gaze and looked at her savior's retiring form. Her eyes widened as she managed to make out his image through the remainder of her glasses.

It couldn't be…she must be hallucinating again! But he did…he did look like him...

She shook her head, trying to get these wandering thoughts to leave her mind.

It was obviously impossible for it to be him. Her son must be in his 40s by now, there was no way he'd still look like he did in her photo. It was just her feeble old mind playing tricks on her again.

She smiled a sad smile, thanking him for helping out an old lady and left.


	9. In which 17 goes to Gohan's school

In which 17 goes to Gohan's school

* * *

Today felt like a promising day. He was starting his new position as biology teacher at Orange Star High School, the very same high school he graduated from 5 years ago.

Even though he was by all means a literary genius, what with having a mother like Chi-Chi terrorize-err _tutor_ him his entire childhood (even though that didn't seem to rub off on his little brother one bit), he was still worried about his teacher exam.

When the results came in both him and Videl jumped for joy. He had passed with flying colors! Even his old schoolmates called to congratulate him on it. What's more, he got to work with his old teachers and even the old principal. He smiled as he crossed the halls, entering the classroom he used to come to every day all those years ago. In a way, it felt like starting school again, complete with all the nervousness and uncertainty that it brought with it.

He wasn't only going to be this class' biology teacher this year, but also their homeroom teacher. So much responsibility thrusted upon him so fast, he wasn't sure he was going to live up to expectations. Would he be a good example for these kids? Can he hold his position of authority in front of them? Can he deliver his lessons in an engaging and interactive way, as to get those kids to love biology just as much as he does?

All those thoughts were running through his mind as he started rollcall. Things were running smoothly, when he heard a knock on the door. He went to get it and saw the vice principal sitting outside. He handed him a piece of paper, saluted him and left.

Gohan scratched his head in confusion, but took it and went back inside. He read the note.

' _Oh, a new transfer student is starting class today? Alright, this should be interesting'_

He remembered when HE was that transfer student. How worried he was about first impressions when the teacher presented him in front of the entire class.

And now here he was, in the reverse role, doing it for a new kid who was probably just as anxious as he was. He smiled. Well, now he had more experience with life. He will help that kid fit in and the kid will help him become a better teacher in return. This whole thing could be a positive mutual learning experience.

What could possibly go wrong?

He coughed into his hand, drawing the class's attention to himself.

"Ok, settle down. Today will be a special day for us. A new student will be starting school here today!"

"Big deal!" came a voice form the back, drawing a few laughs to himself.

Gohan decided to ignore that and continued "Everyone, please welcome your new classmate…errr…" he looked at the name on the paper.

' _Wait, this can't be right.'_

It has to be a spelling error or something.

' _Please tell me it's a spelling error.'_

Just as he was thinking this, the door slid open and _HE_ waltzed in, wearing an Orange Star uniform as if to mock him and his reassuring thoughts.

He walked up to Gohan without a word, turned to look at the class with an impassive, indifferent expression and lifted his hand in an awkward salute.

"Yo, I'm 17" was all he said.

Everyone stared at him and then at each other. Was this guy for real?

"But what is your NAME?!" the same jock from before hollered from the back of the class at him.

"17" he repeated undeterred, stirring another wave of murmurs and weird looks.

"Excuse us" Gohan addressed the class, pushing 17 from behind by the shoulders until they exited the room, closing the door behind themselves.

"Alright, what's going on? Why are YOU here?" Gohan asked him, frowning.

"Hello to you too, long time no see and all that" 17 answered impassively. He too didn't sound any more comfortable having this conversation than he did.

"Just tell me the truth please." Gohan insisted, realizing he wasn't getting anywhere with him. "Aren't you a little too old for school? I mean, in real years, not physical ones" he corrected himself, realizing he looked older than 17 now, even though he only reached up to his belt buckle upon their first encounter.

"Turns out you need a high school diploma to apply for a higher position in pretty much every job" 17 explained. "And since I never managed to finish because of certain life-changing events, nor do I have any papers from my formal life upon my person, I need to re-attend high-school to get it"

Gohan opened his mouth to object, but 17 cut him off.

"I tried all legal alternatives, trust me". Threatening someone with a gun was classified as 'illegal', apparently.

He sighed. Well, it could be worse…it could've been Vegeta.

"Alright, but as long as you're MY student, you will behave, ok? Just act like a regular student" Gohan told him sternly, wagging his finger at him.

"I promise I'll be on my best behavior, _Mr._ Gohan" 17 answered, smiling at him. It felt so weird, hearing that phrase coming from him. He couldn't even tell if the cyborg was being sarcastic or not. He wondered if 17 could tell either.

"Also, don't use '17' in public. Just…think of a real-sounding name. Anything will do" Gohan added, opening the door to the amphitheater.

"Like Leone Sextus Denys Oswolf Fraudatifilius de Orellana Plantagenet Tollemache?" 17 tried.

"Umm…something less flamboyant, maybe?" Gohan chuckled nervously, gesturing for him to go in.

"Well, I'm stumped then" 17 threw his arms in the air, upset, following him.

* * *

"Ok, let's try this again" Gohan started, pulling 17 closer. "This will be your new classmate-"

"-Jinzoningen Juunanagou" 17 filled in for him. "Juunana for those with short attention spans. 17 if you want me to ever speak to you again"

' _Goddamit, what did we just talk about'_ Gohan inwardly facepalmed.

"Ha! That's a girl's name!" the same guy from before yelled again, laughter erupting throughout the room.

17 seemed highly unamused while Gohan was trying his best to contain the situation, more so for the safety of the students than 17's bruised ego.

"Well, too bad, since it's not" he gave a weak comeback to the guy, who laughed again.

"Given how you're matching it with that face and 'do, you could've fooled me" the guy burned him again, more laughter and high-fives coming from his mates.

17 looked up at the guy with narrowed piercing eyes. He then smiled a rather chilling smile at him.

"What's your name, sunshine?" he asked him.

The blonde mullet wearing jock pointed at himself and 17 nodded.

"Cilpen, why?" he said, frowning a little.

"Well, Cilpen, don't you worry. You will be calling me 'Master' by the time this day is over" 17 smirked, getting a couple of "oooh"s from the crowd.

The guy gave him a 'bring it on' look as Gohan forcibly dragged 17 towards the empty seat at the back of the class, hoping to stop their bickering. If anything bad were to happen, he would be held responsible, and on his first day as teacher, no less! He had to keep 17 in check, no matter what. Good thing he was so much stronger than him by now.

* * *

"Alright class, everyone open your books to page 5. Now, who can tell me what leukocytes are?" Gohan started the lesson, adjusting his glasses.

"White blood cells, also called leukocytes, are the cells of the immune system that are involved in protecting the body against both infectious disease and foreign invaders. All white blood cells are produced and derived from multipotent cells in the bone marrow known as hematopoietic stem cells. Can I have my diploma now, please?" 17 said all in one breath, drawing the attention of everyone around him.

"NEEEEEEEEEEEEEERD" Clipen yelled at him again.

"Alright, that's…correct" Gohan didn't know what to say to this. "Well, then since you seem to know this lesson already, let's turn to page 10 instead. Who can tell me what the aorta does?"

17 raised his hand again. "The aorta is the root systemic artery. In humans, it receives blood directly from the left ventricle of the heart via the aortic valve. I can keep going like this all day if you want."

Gohan felt a vein popping in his head. "Umm…good…moving on…who can tell me about capillaries?"

17 opened his mouth to respond.

"Anyone BESIDES _you_ " Gohan added, shutting him up.

The class went so silent you could hear a pin drop. Great generation he was working with here, full of potential.

"You DO know I have entire encyclopedias of knowledge available in my head, right?" 17 broke the silence again. Being a cyborg proved useful for more than just fighting scenarios. "I already know all you could ever teach me in this class. You'd be doing us both a favor by just graduating me right here and now"

Gohan shook his head. Dealing with Vegeta was sounding so tempting right about now.

"I...don't have the authority to do that even if I wanted to. Can you please just follow my class like a normal person?"

17 nodded, taking it as a dare.

"Ha, what a loser" Cilpen chuckled at him, a girl next to him smiling friendly.

"Oh, I think he's kinda hot" she said, getting a disgusted look from him.

"That weirdo? Look at that scrawny punk, I bet I can bench press his entire body over my head!" he told her, promptly receiving a text book to his face that launched him through the classroom and out the window to the far right.

Everyone stared in shocked silence at 17 who was smiling smugly, his biology book suspiciously absent from his table.

Gohan turned to glare at him angrily and 17 shrugged.

"I was just helping him with his homework" 17 lied.

Gohan frowned even deeper.

"If you give me my diploma I'll be out of your hair immediately" he bargained.

* * *

He spent the rest of the hour staring at the walls from outside the classroom door. God, this was boring. Good thing P.E. was next, maybe he could finally have some fun to pass the time.

He walked out of the changing room, shaking his leg. These gym shorts were really riding up his-

"Hey, you, girly boy!" he heard a voice from behind him as he was grabbed by his shirt and forcibly turned around. A couple of burly goons almost a foot taller than him gathered around him, cracking their knuckles.

Cilpen limped over to him, a couple of patches and bandages adorning his bruised face, and what appeared to be one missing front tooth.

"You think you can just humiliate me in front of the entire class, do ya? Well, then, my buddies here will just have to teach ya your place in the food chain" he smiled at him, getting an indifferent look back from the dark haired cyborg.

"Alright-" 17 said, closing his eyes. He threw the guy that was holding him over his shoulder and into a locker, punched one guy in the nose almost making his entire face cave in and smashed the other 2 guys' heads against each other, knocking them out instantly. All of it with his eyes closed.

Cilpen backed away, his legs quivering in fear.

"-I guess I'm at the top then" 17 finished his sentence, getting a nervous nod from the guy, who dragged himself on his hands and knees and started kissing 17's sneakers.

The gym teacher just so happened to walk in at that very moment, alerted by the fighting sounds coming from inside. His jaw dropped, seeing the thrown bodies everywhere and one very weird scene (when taken out of context) unfolding before him.

Everyone looked at the teacher with wide nervous eyes. All except 17, who seemed very detached from the whole situation.

"They were bullying me" he stated innocently.

* * *

Gohan shook his head again. They weren't even 2 hours into the school day and he was already being disciplined by the principal for 17's wild behavior.

And there were still 5 more classes to go! He needed coffee so badly.

He decided to try keeping the guy out of trouble as much as he could. He started trailing him, watching him from the shadows, from behind buildings and from inside well-placed bushes. He had to make sure 17 wasn't up to anything funny. There's NOTHING funny about school, goddammit!

Gohan looked at the day's curriculum. Arts and crafts was next. Well, this was an innocent class, what could he do to ruin this one?

* * *

Of course he found a way. The teacher asked him to do a human model, but 17 apparently took it highly literally. He made a disturbingly anatomically correct ceramic sculpture of the inside of a human male, complete with internal organs and a look of horror on his muddy skinless face.

Everyone in class felt uneasy at this, one girl even excusing herself to the bathroom to hurl. That one chick from earlier still seemed into him, though, calling him a misunderstood artist. Her friends worried about her.

"Ha! You suck!" Cilpen laughed, pointing at his failure of a sculpture from the back of the class.

17 grabbed him, placed him on top of a potter's wheel, stripped him naked and covered him in mud, then signed his name on one of his butt cheeks and presented him to his teacher.

* * *

2nd visit to the principal's office for Gohan. He couldn't believe this! At this rate, his job will be in danger!

He pulled 17 aside again.

"Please, cut it out" he asked him, hoping that he could negotiate his way out of this.

"Cut what out?" 17 asked, sounding genuinely confused.

Gohan frowned. Was he taking him for a fool? He couldn't possibly NOT be doing all of this on purpose, right?

"You know very well what. Stop ruining all the classes". He couldn't believe he had to explain it to him.

"I'm just doing what you asked of me" 17 answered, reminding him of their deal.

"You're being very difficult!" Gohan clenched his fists in anger.

"No, I'm not, everyone else is" 17 crossed his arms, sounding like that guy that never lost any arguments, no matter what.

"Look, what do I have to do for you to stop trying your best to destroy my career?" Gohan covered his face with his hands, close to tears.

"You could give me my high school diploma" 17 smiled at him, extending his hand as if Gohan was hiding it behind his back or something.

" I already told you, I can't do that. Only the principal can decide to make an exception and sign an official document outside of the given-"

Aaaaand he was already gone.

Gohan ran after him, knowing exactly where he went.

* * *

"Young man, what is the meaning of this?" the principal sounded angry, seeing 17 burst into his office just like that.

"I heard you're the guy to talk to about a diploma. Of the high school graduating variety" 17 smiled at him, sitting down in a chair next to him.

Gohan got there just in time to stop 17's little extortion speech.

"Please excuse him, sir, he's not good in social environments" Gohan laughed nervously, bowing before the teacher. "Say you're sorry" he whispered to 17, grabbing his head and forcing him to bow as well.

"Sorry" Gohan said from behind him, trying his best to imitate his voice.

The principal sat back in his chair, stroking his beard.

"Ah, so this must be the troubled child in your class I keep hearing about" he mused.

"Child?" 17 said in a low voice, offended.

"A-ah…yes…well…I've got it all under control, really!" Gohan stammered, trying to save face.

"If you give me what I want, I won't be trouble anymore" 17 added, going back to his conversation from earlier.

"I'm afraid that's impossible, given the current laws." The principal shook his head at him.

"Who do I have to see to fix that?" 17 narrowed his eyes at him.

"Only a regional representative can propose a law change like-" 17 was already at the door frame at this point, only stopping when Gohan grabbed him firmly by the arm.

"You're right sir, he'll have to obey the law. He'll be going right back to class now, _won't you_ Juunana?" Gohan said, turning to address him with a stern voice.

17 didn't say a thing, pouting and crossing his arms as Gohan dragged him behind himself like a trolley all the way to the last room at the end of the hall and forcefully throwing him inside like a gunny sack.

The principal stared after them, scratching his head. What did he get himself into?

* * *

Math class wasn't so bad. The bully seemed to have finally learned his lesson and clammed his trap shut all throughout the class. Thing were going smoothly until 17 got hit in the head by a crumpled up piece of paper. He looked in the bully's direction, who upon meeting his gaze yelped and ducked under his desk. The girl next to him giggled, twirling her fingers at 17.

Oh, so this was from her. Interesting. He opened up the note, reading it.

' _Hey, handsome, what are you doing after class?_ ' it said.

17 scribbled something on another piece of paper and threw it back.

' _I have a wife and 3 kids_ '

He threw another.

' _Not much, how about you?_ '

Strange, he didn't get any more papers from that point on.

* * *

Cooking class…who still has cooking classes in high school?

 _He did, that's who._

Gohan wasn't even surprised when he saw a thick smoke rising from inside the classroom. Even less surprised when it turned out it was 17 who started the fire, somehow by trying to make a salad. He was far too busy evacuating everyone to care anymore.

And the principal was calling his name again too.

Today was just not his day.

"I just want a high school diploma, not a chef badge" 17 told him while exiting the room, shaking the fumes out of his hair.

* * *

Chemistry class is what Gohan feared the most. There were so many ways this could go wrong, and it didn't take much for it to happen. He had to interfere.

Gohan sneaked in, hiding under 17's desk. He had to keep a close lookout on what was going on and stop him before he did anything bad.

"Now, class, we will combine Hydrogen with Sulfur to make Sulfuric acid!" the teacher clasped his hands together.

' _Acid? NO!'_ Gohan's mind was already trembling at the thought.

"But be careful, it's highly corrosive!" he warned them.

"Sure, got it" 17 said nonchalantly, reaching for the bottle.

' _No, no you don't'_ Gohan thought, switching out his bottles. Rather fail the experiment than doom the class, is what he thought.

17 didn't even notice he grabbed a different substance from the table. He poured the 2 bottles together, getting a strange fizzling noise from them. That didn't sound right…

* * *

The explosion rocked the entire building, creating a new hole in the wall of the chemistry lab. Turns out he made nitroglycerine instead.

Gohan and 17 looked on in surprise, being the only 2 still standing after everything that happened.

"You're just a walking disaster, you know that?" 17 frowned at him,his hands on his hips.

Gohan broke down in tears. He couldn't take this anymore!

The principal walked up to him, looking very upset.

"You, you're fired!" he yelled, pointing at Gohan.

Oh well, he didn't want to work here anymore anyway.

"And as for you-" he turned to 17 "-you're expelled!"

"That's ok, I'll just enroll again next year" 17 stated calmly, getting a pair of shocked looks from the 2 men before him.

The principal started sweating profusely. He ran into his office and returned a few minutes later with a signed document.

"I take it back. Given your outstanding results in academic achievement, I'm awarding you with your early high school graduation diploma!" he handed him the paper with a shaky hand and 17 smiled.

"Where's my graduation ceremony?" he asked.

"Just get out!" the principal cried as Gohan lifted him by the seat of his pants and started walking away with him.

* * *

The walked together along the road, neither of them saying anything.

"Videl will be so disappointed" Gohan mused out loud. "It was my first day, too"

"Eh, sorry about that" 17 told him truthfully.

"Oh, well it's not so bad, I didn't plan on staying a high school teacher for very long, anyway." he smiled, trying to make the best of the situation. "Sorry for being on edge today, by the way, I know you tried your best"

"So did you. A teacher has to look out for his student, right?" 17 pointed out, looking ahead.

Gohan looked genuinely surprised by this. That was a very mature statement coming from him. Maybe he wasn't a completely lost cause.

"Here's your pay for the day" 17 handed him a wad of bills from his pocket.

"Where did you get these?" Gohan asked, worried about it. Then he realized. "The principal?"

"The principal"

They laughed a little together, Gohan shaking his head at him. Well, at least it was finally over.

"So, 17, now that you got your diploma, what are you going to do?" Gohan asked him, genuinely curious.

17 smirked at him, his eyes glinting.

"I still have a college to get through!"


	10. In which 17 makes a dare

In which 17 makes a dare

* * *

It was a chilly autumn night, the air blowing freely through the living room curtains. Krillin walked up to the balcony door and closed it, rubbing his hands together to warm up. He glanced at the wall clock. It was almost midnight and she wasn't back yet. He was getting a little worried. He had already sent Marron to bed and sat on the sofa, looking up at the clock from time to time, waiting. Did something happen to her?

He knew he shouldn't've let her go alone. Sure, it wasn't that big a deal. It was just a routine check-up, like a doctor's appointment, only the doctor needed to be experienced with bio machinery and the only ones they knew (and trusted) were the Briefs.

It wasn't like it was the first time she did this. It had become an annual activity ever since they got together, and lately she managed to rope 17 into going with her. Bulma explained it was vital to make sure the mechanisms inside her and her brother were still functioning properly, since their lives depended on them.

She seemed fine this morning when she flew over. But it was already so late and she didn't even give him a phone call. Was something wrong?

He paced back and forth. He had already called Capsule Corp a couple of times, but Bulma reassured him nothing happened. He didn't know what to do. He should fly there and check up on her. Just as he was about to do that, he got a text from her, telling him she'd be over in the morning.

What a relief! His heart eased up and he smiled nervously.

She sure liked scaring him, didn't she?

He went to bed, still feeling tense, and drifted off to a light sleep.

* * *

When he opened his eyes it was already past sunrise, the bird chirping happily at his windowsill. He heard noise downstairs and ran to investigate. He relaxed upon finding 18 sitting on the couch with Marron in her lap. The little girl turned to him, giggling.

"Morning, daddy! Guess what mommy did!" she laughed, gesturing for him to pick her up.

18 patted her hair, smiled and whispered something in her ear. Marron nodded at her and hugged her. Krillin chuckled. They always looked so cute together.

"18, you gave me quite a shock, you know" he complained with a light tone, getting an apologetic shrug from her. "What did you do all day yesterday? Actually nevermind, you'll tell me over breakfast" he said, changing his mind and heading in the kitchen.

He donned an apron and started working on a couple of omelets for themselves. She didn't eat very often, being part machine and all, but she did enjoy staying with him at the table and chatting in the morning.

He was busy stirring the pan and didn't notice her sneaking up behind him. She draped her arms around him, pulling him closer to her in a loving embrace. He blushed, feeling a bit flustered by the scene, but also excited.

"He-hey 18, you're being rather…affectionate… today" he managed. She usually wasn't the huggy type.

She giggled, rubbing her cheek against his. She nipped lightly at his ear, pulling in closer. He felt her stomach touch his back through their shirts, and it made him drop the spatula.

She was always rather cold and distant, even when they slept together. This was quite different from her usual self. It's been many years since she did something like this. He stiffened in more ways than one.

"So, uh, 18…you…want something?" he stammered, placing the omelets on the plate.

She leaned in over his shoulder, her soft hair tickling his forehead. She was considerably taller than him and it sometimes made their relationship a bit awkward. Right now in his hazy state, she felt even taller, towering over him imposingly. She stuck a finger inside one of the omelets and gave it a taste test. She nodded in approval and picked up the plate, walking away.

Krillin watched her leave, still a little light headed, finally managing to work up the voice to call after her when she already reached the living room.

"You can have both omelets if you like"

The plate was already empty by the time he finished his sentence.

She handed him back the plate, her mouth still full.

* * *

Today was a weird one, he was sure of it.

18 wasn't usually eager to do housework, but today it seemed like she was ignoring them completely. She spent the entire morning on the sofa, watching TV, playing with Marron and lazing about. She didn't even bother to change out of the sweater and baggy pants she wore the other day. Was she tired? Given that she had an unlimited energy supply, was that even possible?

He watched her teach Marron how to make rope knots for about 20 minutes before finally working up the courage to ask her.

"18, I'm sorry to bother you, I know you're kinda…busy and all, but today was your turn to clean the living room carpets and…well..."

He didn't manage to finish what he was saying before she pecked him on the cheek. Marron giggled at her dad who was blushing again, completely taken aback by the suddenness of her actions.

He ran to the closet, picked up the vacuum cleaner, tied a kerchief over his hair and proceeded to vacuum the hell out of that carpet.

18 nodded approvingly and picked up Marron, moving their lesson to the other room.

* * *

Krillin decided to call 17 and get some answers. He heard his wife's voice on the other end.

"Oh, hi Krillin! How are you!" she beamed at him, sounding very happy.

"Hey…is 17 home?" he asked.

"He's outside, tending the flower gardens"

"Hey, uhh…I have a…kinda weird question for you. Did you notice 17 acting…strange lately?" he tried to put it as nicely as he could.

"Can't say that I have" she said brightly.

"Ah, because I was a little worried…after they went to Bulma's for that check-up, 18's been a little…off"

"Oh, I think it's the exact opposite. If anything, he's being more helpful and considerate than ever! I can't say I've ever been more satisfied with 17's behavior."

"Ah, ok then…thanks" he chuckled nervously and hung up.

Maybe he too should make the best of it then.

* * *

The entire day seemed to go the same route. Every time Krillin came by to ask 18 to do a certain task or favor, she'd show a little bit of affection towards him and he'd immediately change gears and do it himself. He ended up washing the dishes, changing the curtains, mowing the lawn, doing Marron's homework and even sorting out her sock drawer.

There was something definitely off about her. For one thing, she barely talked to him at all today, preferring to let body language do it for her. She was also smiling a lot more than usual, though he felt like it was all fake. Proof was in her stare, which bore into him aggressively every time he tried to return her affections. It seemed like her romantic advances were a one-way street.

She was acting a bit strangely as well, kicking up her feet on the table and sprawling her arms over the entire couch like she was trying to keep people…HIM…away from it. She was acting…well, not very girly. He wondered if this was all because of Bulma's tinkering with her systems.

But at the same time, she hit all the high notes with him. Her seductive smile, her captivating blue eyes, her soft, youthful face, her fingers tracing his neck, the way she held his shoulders and giggled warmly at him whenever she wanted him to do something for her...she knew how to get so much out of him by doing so little. It felt wrong, but at the same time it felt oh so right.

If this is what it took to rekindle the passion in their marriage, he was willing to terraform Mars for it.

* * *

That night, he felt more confident in his chances. She had been so mischievous and sultry all day, he had to ask her.

18 was still in the living room at this hour with the lights off, watching an action flick on TV and eating bacon flavored chips. It was well past 11 P.M., but she showed no signs of wanting to go to bed. Krillin swallowed hard, thinking about the best and subtlest way to go about it. She seemed to be completely focused on her movie, so he had a chance to surprise her in a sweet way.

He walked up to her from behind the sofa and wrapped his arms around her neck gently. She jumped, head-butting him hard enough to knock him on the floor.

He rubbed his bruised temples and looked up at her. She glared daggers at him, her stance one of both fear and repulsion. He felt very confused. After rubbing against him all day like an enthusiastic feline, she now turned face like he was the most disgusting thing in the world or something.

Did he do something wrong?

"S-sorry if I startled you, honey. I only wanted to call you to bed...it's getting late and…you know…" he chuckled nervously, trying to excuse himself. It all turned so awkward so fast.

"I was just thinking…Marron's asleep, the night is chilly and the covers are warm..."

She didn't seem to get it, frowning at his statement like he was asking something incredulous of her.

"O-or we could do whatever YOU want to do…" he yelped, his eyes closed and his shoulders stiff as if she was going to hit him for saying it.

Her attitude changed all of a sudden, smiling devilishly at him. He backed away a little, a couple of warning signals triggering inside his head. What was she thinking about?

She walked up to him, her hips swaying as she did and her eyes glinting in the dim light. He froze in place, feeling trapped by her deep hypnotic gaze. She grabbed his shirt and jerked him forward in the deepest, most passionate kiss he could ever imagine, her tongue thrusting hungrily inside his mouth. It seemed to last for an eternity, Krillin trying his best to prolong this wonderful moment. She backed off just as quickly, releasing him from her grip. His brain turned to jelly and his knees gave in, his entire body melting to the floor like butter on a hot summer day.

She had been holding out on him this entire time!

Oh how he longed for more, how he needed more…

He managed to lift his gaze to look up at her, quivering in pleasure and giggling like a moron. She had him at her fingertips and she knew it.

"S-so…what else do you want to do?" he managed, not recovering from his stammering.

He was willing to take a full day of shoes shopping if it meant he got to snuggle with her tonight.

She bent over to his level and whispered something in his ear.

* * *

Something was definitely off. When she asked him for a favor, he didn't expect…THIS.

There he was, in the living room with all the lights on, standing in his boxers with a message on his chest scribbled in sharpie that read " _17, you were right_ " in large bold letters. 18 chuckled as she filmed the whole thing using their wedding day camera, making the scene even more awkward.

"U-umm, 18, I still don't get why we're doing this" he tried, feeling rather embarrassed and cold. She walked up to him and whispered something else and he blushed again.

"Oh…" he said to that, looking up at her as she went right back to filming. "O-of course you give the best kisses in the world honey, there's no doubt in my mind about that!". She quickly put a hand over her mouth, stifling a fit of laughter. Krillin still didn't get it. Was this some kind of fetish?

He felt like he was being used for some reason.

She nodded proudly and closed the camera. She gestured for him to go upstairs and he complied with no questions asked. He jumped into bed and waited in excitement for her to come lie down next to him.

And he waited…and waited…and waited…

He fell asleep a couple of hours later, the space next to him still empty.

* * *

He woke up the next morning and glanced at the untouched pillow next to him in both anguish and disappointment. She tricked him. She never intended to sleep with him in the first place.

Why? Why did she lead him on all day if she didn't?

He suddenly felt very self-conscious. Did she find him…unattractive? Ugly? Why did she bother marrying him in the first place?

All these depressing thoughts ran through his mind as he put on his clothes and went downstairs. No trace of her anywhere.

Alright, that does it! 18 had been acting strange ever since she came back from Bulma's. He was sure she did something to her while she was doing her so called check-up!

And he trusted Bulma too! He had to get to the bottom of this.

He called her immediately.

"Ah, hey Krillin! 18 is already here if you're looking for her, come on over! We'll be waiting for you!" he heard Bulma's cheery voice on the other end. Why did she know what he wanted to ask?

He gulped, feeling like the protagonist of a weird horror movie. He took a deep breath, picked up Marron and flew over to Capsule Corp.

* * *

He stomped his way inside the guest room, willing to give Bulma a piece of his mind. He looked around, noticing 18 and Bulma were already there, watching the video from yesterday and breaking out into laughter as they saw him come in. Way to twist the knife in deeper, girls.

17 and his wife were there too for some reason and he looked visibly upset. At HIM, for some reason.

17's wife giggled at him and Marron joined in. What was going on?

"Krillin, you idiot!" 17 stomped up to him, sounding strangely high-pitched. In the bright light of the room, he looked very pale as well.

Wait…

"Told you! You owe me 50 Zeni!" 18 managed between laughs, her words coming out like hiccups. Her voice…was…. weird…too. Come to think of it, she too looked a bit…tan. And her eyebrows…

 _NO…._

"I can't believe you'd confuse me for him!" '17' said, looking both angry and hurt.

"…18?" Krillin managed looking up at 'him', his mind on the frizzle. This can't be…

"12 years of marriage and you can't tell me and my _brother_ apart?" the cyborg continued, making the reveal he didn't want to hear.

Krillin still didn't know what was going on. Was this a prank?

"B-but why…?" he said in a low voice.

"Well, I suppose you could say it's my fault" Bulma admitted, calming down. "The day before, while I was doing their check-up, I made a passing remark at how they looked so similar. 18 denied it, but 17 insisted that if they switched roles, you wouldn't even notice. She ended up taking him on that bet. I dyed their hair, they changed clothes and there you have it."

The real 18 was pacing about, her arms up in the air and talking to herself.

"How is that even possible, Krillin? Am I this manly? Am I this flat?!"

Krillin's jaw fell to the floor. The entire day yesterday, he was being hit on... _by his brother-in-law?!_

"And you were all in on it?" he frowned at them all, feeling like a fool.

"To be frank…yes" Bulma admitted.

"Daddy you really fell for it!" Marron laughed, pointing at him. "I saw it was uncle last morning, but he wanted me to play along…you were so funny!"

 _Even her?_

"Wait, if you both changed roles, then, what about 18 and…" he wondered.

"Oh, I too realized the truth right away" the biologist admitted. "But I didn't want to say anything about it."

"Why not?" Krillin cried, feeling like even more of a fool.

"Do you know how long 17's been promising to clean the garage? _6 years!_ 6 years, Krillin, and 18 did that in 2 hours. Not to mention wash the car, do the laundry and cook lunch. No way I'd pass up a chance like that! Actually, thinking on it, can I keep her around for a while longer?" she smiled brightly, getting a sharp glare from her own spouse in return.

"B-but...why did you try to seduce me?" he turned to the real 17, feeling the blood drain from his face.

"What? That's what I usually do at home to get out of doing chores" he shrugged, his wife nodding in both approval and shame.

"But did you HAVE to French him?" 18 turned to him, steaming.

"Anything it takes to win a bet, sis" he smirked at her, placing his hands on his hips proudly.

Krillin held himself in both shock and repulsion. He was feeling a lot of conflicting emotions right now. That kiss, that lust…it was for another man? And he didn't even _notice_ it was a man! Does it count as cheating if he confused his wife for _her brother?_ Does this make him gay?

And why was he still aroused, thinking about last night, even after finding out the truth?

"I…I need some time" he managed after a few minutes, tears stinging his eyes.

"You and me both" 18 glared at him, crossing her arms.


	11. In which 17 defeats Goku

In which 17 defeats Goku

* * *

Vegeta paced back and forth nervously. When the woman got a call from Kakarott's wife, he thought it was a joke. He was out of commission? How? Why?

He was left with no punching bag-err _sparring partner_ and a whole slew of questions.

He even flew over to the Son House to see what was up, but they didn't let him in. Something about Kakarott being too under the weather to see him.

The nerve of these people! Keeping him in suspense over something so absurd!

A whole week passed by and Vegeta's nerves got worse and worse. Did they enjoy seeing his back hairs stand on end? Did they like teasing him like this? He was so pissed he didn't even feel like spending time with his baby girl.

That's it. He had to know.

* * *

He busted in through the window of the Son bedroom, yelling as he landed on the floor. Goku barely registered his presence, turning on his bed slowly to face him, sighed and turned back.

Vegeta's left eye twitched and he jumped on the bed next to him, shaking his fiercely.

"Alright, Kakarott, what's going on! What happened?"

Goku looked up at him again, his face pale and his eyes sunken in.

"Vegeta...I…I lost" he stammered, the pain of defeat dripping from his voice.

Vegeta raised an eyebrow. So? I mean, he didn't see anything special in losing a battle…

Wait, who did he lose to? Did Frieza come back…again? Beerus? Or maybe it was a new enemy who showed himself out of the blue? Then why didn't they destroy the planet already? Wait, why did they ignore HIM?

"So, who was it? Was it Zen-oh? Tell me it's Zen-oh" Vegeta asked, curious.

Goku groaned in anguish, covering his face with his arm in shame.

"Worse."

Worse than Zen-oh? Who could it be?

* * *

 _Him? REALLY?_

Vegeta rubbed his temples in frustration. That scrawny weakling girly-faced android defeated a Super Saiyan GOD (Super Saiyan)? RIDICULOUS! IMPOSSIBLE!

Kakarott was taking him for an even bigger fool than he imagined.

"Alright, how did it happen?" Vegeta insisted, the story sounding very fishy.

"You should've seen it, Vegeta. He bested me at everything. Attack, defense, technique…I was no match for him. I was never a match for him." Goku shook his head.

"You sure you're talking about fighting and not ballet dancing?" Vegeta asked wearily.

"I'm very sure" Kakarott sounded serious.

This was unheard of. How could that defective toaster who couldn't even stand up to Imperfect Cell beat a Super Saiyan God (Super Saiyan)? For crying out loud, it has GOD in the title! It has 'Super Saiyan' twice just so you know it's twice as super as a regular Super Saiyan!

There had to be a trick to this. He had to have cheated.

"You sure you didn't just slip and punch yourself?" Vegeta asked again, trying to cover all the bases. With him, everything was possible.

He nodded.

"This time I'm sure. He was just better than me in every way."

* * *

 _Control yourself Vegeta. Remember what Bulma said about your blood pressure. Inhale, exhale…relax…_

"I'LL FUCKING KILL HIM!" he screamed on top of the mountain, scaring the wildlife around himself for 10 miles.

He dashed over to give him a piece of his mind.

* * *

"Alright, tell me what I want to know!" Vegeta growled, holding him up with one hand.

"I said I have no idea!" Krillin squealed in shock in fear, covering his face instinctively. He didn't expect Vegeta to come barging into his house like that, grab him by the shirt and shake him around.

"Let my husband go, sit down and let's try again." 18 glared at him from the living room, her arms crossed and her foot resting on the doorframe.

He had to admit, he liked this woman's way of negotiating. He dropped the small warrior and sat down on the couch, rubbing his hands together in thought. Krillin picked himself up and slowly dragged himself on his knees to sit in front of him. 18 walked over with a pair of teacups and placed them on the table.

Vegeta raised the cup to his mouth and felt a gaze bore into him. His eyes turned to the female android, who frowned at him deeply. He raised his pinky in the air and 18 lessened her stare.

Truly a woman worth respecting.

"Good, now, what are you here for?" 18 asked him after the atmosphere lessened.

"I'm looking for your dumbass brother and your dumbass husband doesn't know where he is apparently" Vegeta explained himself.

"First of all, don't call my husband 'dumbass'. Second of all, given how you're talking right now, I don't see a valid reason to give you this information" she said calmly. She didn't want any murder happening on her watch.

"Oh, I have plenty of reasons right here." Vegeta said, clenching his fist. The other fist, not the one with the cup. He was sure the android would kill him if he broke her dinnerware.

"Which are?" she acted ignorant to it all. She wanted him to actually say what he wanted to do.

"I'm going to see if he is indeed as strong as Kakarott said, since he beat him so hard it put him in a state of distress". There, he said it.

"Alright. What do you REALLY want to see him for?". She didn't believe him one bit.

"I know, I don't believe it myself, but apparently it's true" the saiyan shrugged, taking another sip of black tea. Needed some sugar.

"Let's say I'll bite. I too can't tell you where to find him, since I don't know where he lives. He never told me and I don't really care. Hell, I barely know anything about what he's been up to for the past 12 years" she admitted.

"So then how did Kakarott fight him?". He knew it, the idiot was lying this whole time.

"I don't know. Considering Goku's luck, I'm pretty sure he crash dived randomly in the woods and ran into him" she shrugged.

"The woods?"

"My brother said he's a park ranger. So, find the park and you'll probably find him"

She didn't have to say it twice. Vegeta was already on it.

* * *

By process of elimination, he finally found it. The park he'd been looking for. "MIR national park". What does MIR stand for, anyway?

It didn't even take him lots of interrogating either. His colleagues ratted him out immediately, even gave him directions towards the android's house. Seems like they were used to authorities and revenge-driven maniacs asking them the same questions. If he wasn't so focused on his own problems he'd like to get to know the guy. He sounded like the type he'd hang out with.

Regardless, there he was, in front of his alleged house. A cabin in the woods. That sounded rather ominous.

He stopped in front of the door, turned Super Saiyan, threw back his fist and knocked politely. Just because he's a saiyan doesn't mean he can't respect other people's property.

An unknown woman opened the door for him, looking him up and down.

 _Nice rack I suppose._

"You must be looking for 17" she said nonchalantly, gesturing for him to come inside.

Did she…not notice his golden aura? His stance? His suit of armor? His earth shaking power as the ground bent beneath him?

"Be honest, this happens all the time to you people, doesn't it" Vegeta said, walking inside. She nodded.

"He's in the gaming room. Try not to wreck anything, I just bought a new rug" she told him, pointing the way and going back to the kitchen to make lunch.

 _Gaming room?_

True enough, the room was packed full with gaming consoles, a pool table and even a see-saw and a large coin-operated elephant ride you'd see outside a malt shop. How did he even afford all this for his kids? Scratch that, he probably didn't.

17 was sitting on the rug, cross-legged, fully engrossed in a video game on his huge flat-screen TV. The room was dark, the hue of the television screen engrossing him completely.

"I see you mingled with your own crowd, machine. Tell me, how did you think you'd get away with it? How did you think I wouldn't find out? Do you even know who you're dealing with?"

He didn't even turn his head to acknowledge the Super Saiyan as he stopped by his side. Vegeta frowned, his aura flaring brighter.

 _At least act impressed, dammit!_

17 squinted his eyes. He tugged his pants leg before grabbing the controller again.

"Mind turning off the lights? It hurts my eyes."

 _The nerve of this guy!_

"Care to put down the toy, you defective action figure?" Vegeta crossed his arms at him, tapping his foot on the floor, making the entire house rock with every tap.

17 finally looked up at him and removed his headphones. He didn't even hear a word he said, great.

"Ah, it's you. Welcome to my lair. Don't tell me, you want to challenge me to a duel, right?"

Was he this predictable? When did he go from a feared intergalactic mercenary to that random grumpy guy in Kakarott's boyfriend gang?

He figured it happened sometime in-between going to greet Frieza in a pink shirt and dancing onstage to appease a God of Destruction.

He sighed, remembering the good old days. No time for this now, he had a small, insignificant problem to deal with.

"Actually, yes, I am. Kakarott told me you defeated him in a fight."

"Indeed I did, shorty"

 _Don't call me 'shorty', you sad excuse for a toaster._

"How did this even come to be" he demanded from the android. "How did you and Kakarott even wind up in the same place as each other? Are you stalking him? Wait, are you 2 sparring with each other behind my back?". His voice was rising.

"First of all, it's called –mutual fightnership-." 17 defended himself, pausing the game. "Secondly, he's the one who wouldn't stop pestering ME. I just did the only logical thing to get rid of him.

Vegeta frowned deeper. What did he just say?

"Apparently Goku runs a farm. Did you know that? I didn't know that. His wife made him go door to door selling monthly subscriptions for vegetable crate delivery. Of all the cabins doors in all the woods, he had to knock on mine." 17 explained.

"I also learned that he doesn't take 'no' for an answer. For weeks on end, he tailed me EVERY DAY trying to make me subscribe to his service. If he ever joins a cult, I'm leaving this planet."

"See, you should've just taken the offer from the get-go" Vegeta berated him, knowing his pain.

"And pay MONEY for it? Fat chance!" he pouted, sounding like the cheapskate that he is.

"So you decided to settle this man-e-radiator?" Vegeta figured.

"Basically, yes. I put his radiator ass to shame."

"Alright then, show me. Show me the power you used to defeat Kakarott!" Vegeta said excided, getting into a fighting stance.

17 handed him the second controller.

"Sit down and choose your character"

Say what?

"It…it was at a video game?"

"Of course it was. What did you expect?"

He knew it.

 _He knew it he knew it he knew it_ ….and yet he still fell for it. Kakarott you bird brain.

"A stupid video game…" Vegeta repeated, inhaling deeply.

"I will have you know 'Blood Splatter 9' is not just – _a-_ stupid video game. It's – _the ultimate-_ stupid video game. It's the latest in the world acclaimed series (according to online reviews) of fighting games that test the limits of your wit, strength and skill" 17 corrected him, going into the character select screen. "And _I_ am the ultimate fighter"

"Sure you are."

"Try me" 17 narrowed his eyes at him, still pointing the second controller at him.

"Is that a challenge, robot?" Vegeta smirked at him, picking it up. He won't lose to this tin can at ANYTHING.

"I will show you the might of a Super Saiyan God! (also Super Saiyan)" he said, sitting down next to him.

* * *

"So, how did it go? Did you teach him a lesson?" Bulma asked him as the door to Capsule Corp. opened. She cradled the baby in her arms and the little girl giggled happily.

Vegeta trudged in, his face long and his eyes sunken in. He groaned like a zombie and scraped past her ever so slowly.

She watched him go by, shook her head and went back to playing with the child.

* * *

Trunks was in his room, playing on his video game console when the door smacked open.

"Oh, hey dad" he said, tilting his body to the side as if the character onscreen would perform better if he did.

Vegeta shoved him aside and grabbed the controller.

Trunks opened his mouth to protest but noticed his expression and changed his mind.

"Umm…dad, you ok?" he said in a low voice.

Vegeta started pressing the buttons furiously.

"Can it boy, I have training to do!"

He finally found a new goal in life.


End file.
